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14 Apr 2005, 02:16
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#1
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1up on you
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Birmingham, UK
Posts: 4,007
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Masturbation at work
I work in a petrol station normally the morning shift of 6am to 2pm however this week I have been working nights, ie 3am to 11am. This shift until 6am I am on my own, so I was sitting there finished reading FHM and the Top Gear Magazine. I had a coke, and some crisps, and well I was bored, a customer pulls up at about 4:30am and she comes to the kiosk (she being outside me inside) it was an incredibly good looking women in her mid twenties. She was wearing a rather low cut top, and she kept on leaning over, thus showing me her tits. She left and I was horny. So I took a porn magazine off the shelves, put up the "Back in 5 minutes sign" and proceded to the toilets, there I pleasured myself within 5 minutes, came back. Put the magazine back on the shelf, and carried on working, no customer came till about 5am.
So GD do you do anything as vulgar as me at work?
I did hear that masturbation in the toilets costs american firms 1 billion dollars a year...
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pig
[ 1u p]
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14 Apr 2005, 02:23
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#2
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Old Man O Deh *****s
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: In spelelpee land
Posts: 3,516
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Re: Masturbation at work
Why didn't you do the decent thing and ask the young lady round the back with you so you could have a wank with both hands while she turned the pages.
BASIC TECHNIQUE !
I dunno, young people these days....
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Dead_Meat
You dont need to keep beating a dog to get it to stop shitting on the carpet
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14 Apr 2005, 02:24
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#3
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1up on you
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Birmingham, UK
Posts: 4,007
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Re: Masturbation at work
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dead_Meat
Why didn't you do the decent thing and ask the young lady round the back with you so you could have a wank with both hands while she turned the pages.
BASIC TECHNIQUE !
I dunno, young people these days....
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Its against company policy :P Problem is, I reckon she was slightly drunk and up for it, however I cant let anyone in the shop, which is gay :/
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pig
[ 1u p]
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14 Apr 2005, 02:27
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#4
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Old Man O Deh *****s
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: In spelelpee land
Posts: 3,516
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Re: Masturbation at work
What you're basically saying, is that your cock is too small to fit through the little window for her to play with, you're ashamed to show it to girls and that you fantasise about having a cock bigger than a cocktail sausage.
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Dead_Meat
You dont need to keep beating a dog to get it to stop shitting on the carpet
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14 Apr 2005, 02:35
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#5
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1up on you
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Birmingham, UK
Posts: 4,007
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Re: Masturbation at work
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dead_Meat
What you're basically saying, is that your cock is too small to fit through the little window for her to play with, you're ashamed to show it to girls and that you fantasise about having a cock bigger than a cocktail sausage.
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no.
no.
no.
However by you saying the above are you trying to say something about yourself? I.e do you have a small penis etc...cba to write the rest
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pig
[ 1u p]
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14 Apr 2005, 02:42
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#6
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Miles Teg
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Dom City
Posts: 5,192
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Re: Masturbation at work
Quote:
Originally Posted by pig
Its against company policy :P Problem is, I reckon she was slightly drunk and up for it, however I cant let anyone in the shop, which is gay :/
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the problem is you might have scored ....
'here is the closet, now come out of it'
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Audentes Fortuna Iuvat
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14 Apr 2005, 02:44
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#7
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1up on you
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Birmingham, UK
Posts: 4,007
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Re: Masturbation at work
Quote:
Originally Posted by Knight Theamion
the problem is you might have scored ....
'here is the closet, now come out of it'
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true i probably cud of :/
what closet where?
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pig
[ 1u p]
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14 Apr 2005, 02:47
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#8
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Miles Teg
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Dom City
Posts: 5,192
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Re: Masturbation at work
Quote:
Originally Posted by pig
true i probably cud of :/
what closet where?
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'WHAT PROBLEM' is the correct question
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Audentes Fortuna Iuvat
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14 Apr 2005, 02:49
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#9
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1up on you
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Birmingham, UK
Posts: 4,007
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Re: Masturbation at work
Quote:
Originally Posted by Knight Theamion
'WHAT PROBLEM' is the correct question
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i refuse to join the koen and theamion club
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pig
[ 1u p]
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14 Apr 2005, 02:56
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#10
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Miles Teg
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Dom City
Posts: 5,192
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Re: Masturbation at work
no i really do not see your problem
Quote:
I had a coke, and some crisps, and well I was bored, a customer pulls up at about 4:30am and she comes to the kiosk (she being outside me inside) it was an incredibly good looking women in her mid twenties. She was wearing a rather low cut top, and she kept on leaning over, thus showing me her tits. She left and I was horny.
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you were mostlikely already horny and you had an easy shag with someone you were very attracted to ahead, but somehow that option was a 'problem'
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Audentes Fortuna Iuvat
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14 Apr 2005, 03:02
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#11
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1up on you
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Birmingham, UK
Posts: 4,007
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Re: Masturbation at work
Quote:
Originally Posted by Flavius
and may the force be with you
always look on the bright side, at least you're not dutch
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I heard
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pope
When God lost his touch he created the Dutch
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pig
[ 1u p]
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14 Apr 2005, 03:02
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#12
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1up on you
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Birmingham, UK
Posts: 4,007
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Re: Masturbation at work
Quote:
Originally Posted by Flavius
edit: you also forgot the possibility of the girl not being attracted to him
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impossible!
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pig
[ 1u p]
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14 Apr 2005, 03:17
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#13
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Old Man O Deh *****s
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: In spelelpee land
Posts: 3,516
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Re: Masturbation at work
Quote:
Originally Posted by Flavius
[04:06:38] <Dead_Meat> i have a confession
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[17:05] <Flavius> I have a brilliant future
[17:05] <Flavius> thanks to idi
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Dead_Meat
You dont need to keep beating a dog to get it to stop shitting on the carpet
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14 Apr 2005, 03:20
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#14
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Miles Teg
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Dom City
Posts: 5,192
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Re: Masturbation at work
Quote:
Originally Posted by Flavius
if you read carefully, he said that the problem was that he is not allowed to bring anyone in the shop
stop argueing now. you're behaving like KoeN
edit: you also forgot the possibility of the girl not being attracted to him
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and who exactly was supervising him?
i don't think he's supposed to wank at the shop either?
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Audentes Fortuna Iuvat
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14 Apr 2005, 05:00
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#15
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mmm.. pills
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: Australia
Posts: 2,152
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Re: Masturbation at work
Quote:
Originally Posted by Knight Theamion
and who exactly was supervising him?
i don't think he's supposed to wank at the shop either?
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I imagine, being a servo it would have had a CCTV around
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CSS : the result of letting artists design something only an engineer should touch.
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14 Apr 2005, 06:58
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#16
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:alpha:
Join Date: May 2002
Location: London, UK
Posts: 7,871
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Re: Masturbation at work
No I haven't masturbated at school.
I think if I was getting horny during the day by teaching teenagers, we'd have a problem on our hands.
__________________
"There is no I in team, but there are two in anal fisting"
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14 Apr 2005, 08:41
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#17
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Heh, Leeds !
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: In The Redfern
Posts: 3,790
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Re: Masturbation at work
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tomkat
No I haven't masturbated at school.
I think if I was getting horny during the day by teaching teenagers, we'd have a problem on our hands.
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We wouldn't have a problem, we would have a different GD topic to discuss. You however........
~Vaio~
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The George Harrison of BlueTuba
Yes, I know he is dead !
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14 Apr 2005, 08:47
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#18
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Who?
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: #Comfy
Posts: 743
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Re: Masturbation at work
I have thought about it and actually done it on many occasions.
It is 2nd nature
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#cnuts
For all your homoerotic needs
<Bobzy> Minty, you have a line for everything
<Queen> MINTY ROCKS
<Ice-Lady> minty is a odd boy
<Game> Minty rocks
<Queen> no minty..cos u rock
<HobbieRogue4> Minty, you stone!
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14 Apr 2005, 09:29
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#19
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a little bit broken
Join Date: Jun 2003
Posts: 1,405
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Re: Masturbation at work
is there CCTV footage of you picking up a girly magazine and heading to the loo for 5 minutes?
would you not rather get fired for sneaking a girl into the bathroom?
(though unless she was a real skanky slapper i doubt she would have had random sex with a guy who works nights in a petrol station)
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i came, i saw, i made a bit of a mess
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14 Apr 2005, 09:49
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#20
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TashTastic
Join Date: Jul 2001
Posts: 1,354
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Re: Masturbation at work
I feel sorry for the person that buys your cum stained porno.
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14 Apr 2005, 10:49
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#21
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1up on you
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Birmingham, UK
Posts: 4,007
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Re: Masturbation at work
Quote:
Originally Posted by madi
is there CCTV footage of you picking up a girly magazine and heading to the loo for 5 minutes?
would you not rather get fired for sneaking a girl into the bathroom?
(though unless she was a real skanky slapper i doubt she would have had random sex with a guy who works nights in a petrol station)
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probably is, but the CCTV isnt that great, i pick up magazines off the shelves all the time and go back to the counter and read them, so its nothing out of the ordinary, plus theres no camera facing the toilets, only one on the kiosk, entrance, and the pumps themselves.
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pig
[ 1u p]
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14 Apr 2005, 11:31
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#22
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Bored
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: Nottm ->Shef ->Croydon ->Manc ->Durham ->Sheffield
Posts: 6,506
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Re: Masturbation at work
shudder at this thread.
anyway, I pulled last night! \o/
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14 Apr 2005, 12:46
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#23
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King of The Fat Boys
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: UK
Posts: 3,332
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Re: Masturbation at work
I don't think I've looked at a porn mag since I was like 13
When you have the internet who needs porn mags! \o/
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They mostly come at night. Mostly.
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14 Apr 2005, 13:15
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#24
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Who?
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: #Comfy
Posts: 743
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Re: Masturbation at work
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChubbyChecker
I don't think I've looked at a porn mag since I was like 13
When you have the internet who needs porn mags! \o/
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Agreed.
Never picked one up in my life.
Always went to Tescos with a shopping list consisting of raw liver, jam jar, elastic bands and clingfilm*
*not necessarily in that order
__________________
#cnuts
For all your homoerotic needs
<Bobzy> Minty, you have a line for everything
<Queen> MINTY ROCKS
<Ice-Lady> minty is a odd boy
<Game> Minty rocks
<Queen> no minty..cos u rock
<HobbieRogue4> Minty, you stone!
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14 Apr 2005, 15:21
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#25
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Miles Teg
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Dom City
Posts: 5,192
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Re: Masturbation at work
Quote:
Originally Posted by pig
probably is, but the CCTV isnt that great, i pick up magazines off the shelves all the time and go back to the counter and read them, so its nothing out of the ordinary, plus theres no camera facing the toilets, only one on the kiosk, entrance, and the pumps themselves.
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so you could've ****ed her in the toilets, but that would've been a problem!
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Audentes Fortuna Iuvat
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14 Apr 2005, 16:45
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#26
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Filtheh
Join Date: Feb 2003
Posts: 186
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Re: Masturbation at work
i know of 3 incidents of my friends... masturbation often becomes a regular conversation topic of now for some reason
1 was on a plane...got a bit bored so went to the loos
1 has consistenly done so in school toilets he claims as he had to hide from his teacher about some coursework so had nothing to do while in hiding
the 3rd was under a newspaper in his car while waiting for his mum and sister to return from shopping
is masturbation just a more common thing to be discussed now? apparently the majority of females masturbate but just never admit to it unlike men
__________________
[G-II] [VsN] []LCH[] [Reunion] [eXilition] [Subh] [1up] [Angels] [Jenova] [p3nguins]
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14 Apr 2005, 17:25
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#27
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Gone
Join Date: Jan 2001
Posts: 14,656
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Re: Masturbation at work
I masturbate in the office occassionally. It's got no windows, has net access, and I work at night times when no-one is about.
Brilliant!
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14 Apr 2005, 23:49
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#28
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Ajaj Kapten!
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Sweden
Posts: 638
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Re: Masturbation at work
Quote:
Originally Posted by Filth
the 3rd was under a newspaper in his car while waiting for his mum and sister to return from shopping
is masturbation just a more common thing to be discussed now? apparently the majority of females masturbate but just never admit to it unlike men
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were did he "dispose" of it?
and yes.
__________________
Godwin's Law prov. [Usenet] "As a Usenet discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches one." There is a tradition in many groups that, once this occurs, that thread is over, and whoever mentioned the Nazis has automatically lost whatever argument was in progress. Godwin's Law thus practically guarantees the existence of an upper bound on thread length in those groups. However there is also a widely- recognized codicil that any intentional triggering of Godwin's Law in order to invoke its thread-ending effects will be unsuccessful.
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15 Apr 2005, 08:59
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#29
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Who?
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: #Comfy
Posts: 743
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Re: Masturbation at work
Quote:
Originally Posted by Filth
i know of 3 incidents of my friends... masturbation often becomes a regular conversation topic of now for some reason
1 was on a plane...got a bit bored so went to the loos
1 has consistenly done so in school toilets he claims as he had to hide from his teacher about some coursework so had nothing to do while in hiding
the 3rd was under a newspaper in his car while waiting for his mum and sister to return from shopping
is masturbation just a more common thing to be discussed now? apparently the majority of females masturbate but just never admit to it unlike men
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I used to do it in the same bedroom as my brother while he was sleeping
And then I moved out
But your friend is a legend
__________________
#cnuts
For all your homoerotic needs
<Bobzy> Minty, you have a line for everything
<Queen> MINTY ROCKS
<Ice-Lady> minty is a odd boy
<Game> Minty rocks
<Queen> no minty..cos u rock
<HobbieRogue4> Minty, you stone!
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15 Apr 2005, 13:29
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#30
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a little bit broken
Join Date: Jun 2003
Posts: 1,405
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Re: Masturbation at work
i got smarmed by the attendent while buying petrol yesterday evening
are you in dire need of a shave and haircut and working in leeds ?!?!?!?!
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i came, i saw, i made a bit of a mess
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15 Apr 2005, 13:46
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#31
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First Disciple of Aldur
Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: The Vale of Aldur
Posts: 1,470
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Re: Masturbation at work
I work in a petrol station. I hate it. The worst thing is the customers who come in and look down their ****ing noses at you because you work there.
I remember one customer particularly well. He had some sort of problem with his credit card, and I could not help him with it (it was declined, and we aren't told the reason it's declined, just that it is declined) and he starting ranting at me like it was my fault his card was declined. He ranted at me and then said I was 'stupid and thick blah blah'. I said "Actually, I'm in the second year of my BSc in Computer Forensics, and I'm probably far smarter than you ever were. I suggest you give me cash for your pretrol and then go and phone your bank to ask why your credit card was declined." He was too flabbergasted to complain any further. What a **** he was.
And no, I have not masterbated at work. Well, at my current job at least....
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Yeah.
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15 Apr 2005, 15:42
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#32
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Evil inside
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 3,631
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Re: Masturbation at work
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vaio
We wouldn't have a problem, we would have a different GD topic to discuss. You however........
~Vaio~
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Hasnt that subject been up before, like Dace etc, ?
__________________
<Germania>but you called Fury a bully, and that is terribly unfair
<Hicks>Occassionally individuals do things without Executive consent
<Dreadnought>You cant whois on Eclipse server without a registered nic, which mr ****stirrer doesnt have.
<Almeida> well i like to grow fat myself too, and when i have enough ships then i can engage in big battles
<Nantoz> Zhukov for Lord Protector!
<Jakiri> (Windows)XP was fine on release
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15 Apr 2005, 18:11
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#33
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:alpha:
Join Date: May 2002
Location: London, UK
Posts: 7,871
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Re: Masturbation at work
Quote:
Originally Posted by Belgarath The Sorcerer
I work in a petrol station. I hate it. The worst thing is the customers who come in and look down their ****ing noses at you because you work there.
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I really ****ing hated that, working at the cinema in the holidays.
I could just feel that they thought I was some thick twat. I wanted to scream out "I HAVE A DEGREE AND SOMEDAY MIGHT BE TEACHING YOUR KIDS" but I just gritted my teeth and sweeped up the popcorn.
__________________
"There is no I in team, but there are two in anal fisting"
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15 Apr 2005, 18:15
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#34
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Gone
Join Date: Jan 2001
Posts: 14,656
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Re: Masturbation at work
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tomkat
but I just gritted my teeth and sweeped up the popcorn.
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Did you ejeculate into it?
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15 Apr 2005, 18:19
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#35
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:alpha:
Join Date: May 2002
Location: London, UK
Posts: 7,871
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Re: Masturbation at work
Does the pope shit in the woods?
Wait.
He's dead.
Does the pope..... live an exciting and fulfilling life?
__________________
"There is no I in team, but there are two in anal fisting"
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