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18 Feb 2003, 21:51
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#1
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Banned
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Balneário Camboriu- Santa Catarina- Brasil
Posts: 1,004
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I think there should be an certificate
check this scenario
You are on a night out, trying to "get sum", but there is a problem, first you have to talk some girl into this.
Girls like funny, sensitive, intelligent, smart, sharp and whatnot (in the "inner" side).
the thing is you have about 15 mins at most in order to show that girl that you are like this, and it is just too much pressure and usually ends up in a disaster
what I propose is: you pick your circle of girls who are friends, your mother, sister, ex girlfriend and everybody else, to make an certificate, wich would be "certified" by a group of elder ladies, who would build a consil that would give your certificate or not
in this certificate would pose all of your qualities, and it would be 100% guaranteed
what do you make of this idea?
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18 Feb 2003, 21:52
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#2
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Guest
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Hi Shai!
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18 Feb 2003, 21:53
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#3
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The Twilight of the Gods
Join Date: Jan 2001
Posts: 23,481
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'I'm great guy, will you go out with me? Look, my mum says so!'
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18 Feb 2003, 21:54
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#4
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Registered User
Join Date: Feb 2001
Posts: 442
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i think you're pathetic.
on the rare occasions i 'go out', i don't try to pull, i just have a laugh with my mates, then i find girls come over to hit on me. just my experience though.
__________________
Trust in my Instinct
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18 Feb 2003, 21:54
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#5
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Banned
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Balneário Camboriu- Santa Catarina- Brasil
Posts: 1,004
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Quote:
Originally posted by MrL_JaKiri
'I'm great guy, will you go out with me? Look, my mum says so!'
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yes
that would be the beggining,
later when you get more and more indications, you would have a better certificate
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18 Feb 2003, 21:55
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#6
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The Twilight of the Gods
Join Date: Jan 2001
Posts: 23,481
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Quote:
Originally posted by Muslim
yes
that would be the beggining,
later when you get more and more indications, you would have a better certificate
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This is the word people are looking for.
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18 Feb 2003, 22:00
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#7
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Henry Kelly
Join Date: Apr 2000
Posts: 7,374
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Please archive this thread, it's comedy gold
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18 Feb 2003, 22:07
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#8
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Gone
Join Date: Jan 2001
Posts: 14,656
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CERTIFIED FOR TEH USE OF TEH LADIES, BY TEH LADIES.
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18 Feb 2003, 22:13
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#9
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Registered User
Join Date: Jun 2000
Posts: 8,476
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I see a small logical flaw in your masterplan, and it appears to be based around the "Well, if those girls think hes so wonderful, why arent any of them going out with him?" factor.
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18 Feb 2003, 22:18
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#10
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Registered User
Join Date: Oct 2000
Posts: 451
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I think it would be more useful if the certificate included the results of a recent STD test and a listing of all your prior venereal diseases. It could go on to include a warning of any strange behaviors in bed so there's no shock when the certificate user does indeed "get sum." Examples could be drooling, talking, strange fetishes, and a tendency to prematurely ejaculate. You could be even more specific and start with physical statistics so that all the sizists out there know what they're dealing with. That's just my opinion. I'm going to assume you're mother's opinion isn't very important when it comes to you getting laid.
__________________
I'm bigger than you.
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18 Feb 2003, 22:20
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#11
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Banned
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Balneário Camboriu- Santa Catarina- Brasil
Posts: 1,004
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Quote:
Originally posted by Nodrog
I see a small logical flaw in your masterplan, and it appears to be based around the "Well, if those girls think hes so wonderful, why arent any of them going out with him?" factor.
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i dunno
maybe im too ugly, or they dont like funny guys, or maybe it is me sister...somewhat like this
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18 Feb 2003, 22:21
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#12
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Guest
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Quote:
Originally posted by Muslim
i dunno
maybe im too ugly, or they dont like funny guys, or maybe it is me sister...somewhat like this
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Hi Shai!
You'd be better off just trying to get some without your 'certificate'. You don't want your 'date' to ask you why your mother thinks you are good in bed..
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18 Feb 2003, 22:22
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#13
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Manga Kitten is back!
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: Cube 616
Posts: 1,073
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WE (Muslim's Mum, Aunt, Sisters and School Teacher) HEREBY CERTIFICATE THAT HE IS A GOOD KID, A INTELIGENT BOY, A COOL BASTARD AND PART OF THE BAD BOYS CLUB (who should do his homework more often). BY BEING SO MUSLIM IS ABLE TO DATE GIRLS.
BY THIS WE ALSO OBLIGATE ANY GIRL TO WHOM THIS IS SHOW TO AUTOMATICALLY DROP THEIR PANTIES AND CALL HIM DADDY.
Find me a girl who would fall for that and I give you your counterpart.
__________________
Comming to London on Dec 20th
Knocking on your door for leftovers starting on Dec 21st
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18 Feb 2003, 22:23
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#14
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Banned
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Balneário Camboriu- Santa Catarina- Brasil
Posts: 1,004
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Quote:
Originally posted by Nicole
I think it would be more useful if the certificate included the results of a recent STD test and a listing of all your prior venereal diseases. It could go on to include a warning of any strange behaviors in bed so there's no shock when the certificate user does indeed "get sum." Examples could be drooling, talking, strange fetishes, and a tendency to prematurely ejaculate. You could be even more specific and start with physical statistics so that all the sizists out there know what they're dealing with. That's just my opinion. I'm going to assume you're mother's opinion isn't very important when it comes to you getting laid.
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exactely
like
"he likes to put milk on womans faces"
there is chicks who are dying to know fellas like this..and some are dying not to
so this certificate is the perfect thing for this
its absolutely brilliant
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18 Feb 2003, 22:29
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#15
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¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Sept 2057
Posts: 1,813
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Quote:
Originally posted by Muslim
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'Gimmick Account' doesn't do this justice.
__________________
in my sig i write down all my previous co-ords and alliance positions as if they matter because I'm not important enough to be remembered by nickname alone.
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18 Feb 2003, 22:34
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#16
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Banned
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: The 1970's
Posts: 549
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I like the way some people assume that girls are all exactly the same mentally.
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18 Feb 2003, 22:34
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#17
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Registered User
Join Date: Oct 2000
Posts: 4,944
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i used to like you out of some weird pity 'he can't really be that sad' type thing but now it's (to quote snurx) un :/
__________________
I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which i'm dying
Are the best i've ever had
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18 Feb 2003, 22:36
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#18
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Guest
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Quote:
Originally posted by Ragnarak
i used to like you out of some weird pity 'he can't really be that sad' type thing but now it's (to quote snurx) un :/
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Muslim == Shai Gar
Snurx said so
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18 Feb 2003, 22:36
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#19
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Attitude
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Rich Part of Denmark
Posts: 435
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Luckily, There's groupmeetings for the likes of you.
__________________
Todd: Truth is like a blanket that always leaves your feet cold. You push it, stretch it, it'll never be enough. Kick at it, beat it, it'll never cover any of us. From the moment we enter crying, to the moment we leave dying, it'll just cover your face as you wail and cry and scream.
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18 Feb 2003, 22:37
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#20
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Banned
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Balneário Camboriu- Santa Catarina- Brasil
Posts: 1,004
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Quote:
Originally posted by Ragnarak
i used to like you out of some weird pity 'he can't really be that sad' type thing but now it's (to quote snurx) un :/
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I dont believe I ever was "that sad"
At best I was a regular guy who instead of hiding his defeats, he shows it off.
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18 Feb 2003, 22:39
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#21
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Registered User
Join Date: Oct 2000
Posts: 4,944
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Quote:
Originally posted by Muslim
I dont believe I ever was "that sad"
At best I was a regular guy who instead of hiding his defeats, he shows it off.
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no
the fact you still don't get it and prolly never will is sad :/
__________________
I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which i'm dying
Are the best i've ever had
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18 Feb 2003, 22:40
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#22
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Banned
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Balneário Camboriu- Santa Catarina- Brasil
Posts: 1,004
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now im off to the library, to meet some random chick that studies with me
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18 Feb 2003, 22:41
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#23
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Guest
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Quote:
Originally posted by Muslim
now im off to the library, to meet some random chick that studies with me
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Be sure to mention this idea
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18 Feb 2003, 22:41
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#24
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Registered User
Join Date: Oct 2001
Location: In front of PC
Posts: 156
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You are funny, that's not bad, in this forum it's actually damn good.
Get your certificate, it's a chance to discuss stupid things when you're drunk = win win situation.
__________________
Originally posted by Vaio
I wouldnt want to put anyone off getting married, it is a wonderful thing (for other people !)
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18 Feb 2003, 22:44
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#25
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Notice Me!!! Notice Me!!!
Join Date: May 2001
Location: hello
Posts: 294
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Quote:
Originally posted by Muslim
"he likes to put milk on womans faces"
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__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by pavil
He isn't what I would call a menace but he is like a child trapped in a fat child with cerebal palsy's body which is wrapped in denim.He seemed to always bitch at everything that ever happened ever even if it was a post that read "SUNDAY8PM IS THE KING OF THE SOCIAL SCENE!" he would still bitch about it. Oh and it's a well known fact that if you mash Sunday8pm's face into a keyboard, the words "More Hula Hoops Please" will mysteriously appear on screen every time.
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18 Feb 2003, 22:46
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#26
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∞+♪²
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: :uo!te]o¯|
Posts: 428
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I think there are seduction workshops that give certificates to their participants...
(Note: I'm serious. There are courses in seduction. Courses in hypnosis give certificates, and seduction is considered by some to be similar to hypnosis, so it's rather likely.)
__________________
Structural Integrity for Creator - since he'll probably make PA turn 3D.
Wikipedia forum
Note to self - Don't write Chinese letters with bold and italics... 猫
<!--Last incarnation: Nov 2000-->
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18 Feb 2003, 22:58
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#27
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Twisted
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Down with the sickness
Posts: 2,484
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This is quite possibly the best idea EVER
But can I suggest a few enhancements...
Instead of merely having a signed certificate from various females saying how great you are, you could turn it into almost a dating CV!
You could include....
[list=*][*]Experience (listed in chronological order most recent first)[*]Education (What age were you when you first kissed/touched/shagged a girl)[*]Vital statistics (thrusts per minute etc etc)[/list=*]
I might market this idea! I'll be rich!!!!
Rich beyond my wildest dreams!!!!!!!!!!
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18 Feb 2003, 23:00
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#28
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J to the C to the A G E
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: Scúnthorpe
Posts: 5,583
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Unlike Vermillion (a winner), Muslim is officially a loser at life.
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18 Feb 2003, 23:08
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#29
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Shai Halud
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Sunny Leeds \o/
Posts: 2,127
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You lot are nuts.
I agree totally with Muslim - he needs a certificate.
...
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18 Feb 2003, 23:11
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#30
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Bitch
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: North Yorkshire
Posts: 3,848
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Quote:
Originally posted by sayonara
I agree totally with Muslim - he needs a certificate...
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...from a doctor carrying a health warning.
__________________
ACHTUNG!!!
Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy
schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und corkenpoppen mit
spitzensparken. Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen. Das
rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in das pockets. Relaxen und vatch
das blinkenlights!!!
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18 Feb 2003, 23:13
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#31
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The Twilight of the Gods
Join Date: Jan 2001
Posts: 23,481
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Quote:
Originally posted by Gayle29uk
...from a doctor carrying a health warning.
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I wouldn't trust a doctor who's the subject of a health warning
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18 Feb 2003, 23:20
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#32
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Clerk
Join Date: Jun 2001
Posts: 13,940
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Not a bad idea.
Perhaps an association which you can join which checks you're not an arsehole on a regular basis (kind of like a trade association) and issues you with a membership card if you're not. If someone has a complaint against you (poor business dealings, adultery, etc) they can make a complaint to the issuing authority which investigates. If true, you lose your membership.
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18 Feb 2003, 23:22
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#33
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Shai Halud
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Sunny Leeds \o/
Posts: 2,127
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Awww Gayle, my habit of posting double-edged comments is Muslim's threads is revealed
How was your birthday anyway?
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18 Feb 2003, 23:33
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#34
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Angry Young Man
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Mister Cacciatore's down on Sullivan Street
Posts: 7,518
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i like muslim
__________________
Believe in me, cause i don't believe in anything
And i wanna be someone, to believe, to believe in
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18 Feb 2003, 23:57
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#35
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Bitch
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: North Yorkshire
Posts: 3,848
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Quote:
Originally posted by sayonara
How was your birthday anyway?
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Relaxing
Well, apart from a half drunken argument with Ms Arrogance.
__________________
ACHTUNG!!!
Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy
schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und corkenpoppen mit
spitzensparken. Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen. Das
rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in das pockets. Relaxen und vatch
das blinkenlights!!!
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19 Feb 2003, 00:13
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#36
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Shai Halud
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Sunny Leeds \o/
Posts: 2,127
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\o/ huzzah!
I like relaxing birthdays. Unlike last one when I passed out before midnight
I've not been reading the forums tonight so if there was a "Stupid Bloody Ms Arrogance, Grrr" thread I missed it.
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19 Feb 2003, 00:29
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#37
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Doh!
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: Nemo Mortalium Omnibus Horis Sapit
Posts: 1,720
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Quote:
Originally posted by Gayle29uk
Relaxing
Well, apart from a half drunken argument with Ms Arrogance.
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Which one of you was Half Drunk? and was the other fully drunk or sober?
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19 Feb 2003, 01:04
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#38
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¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Sept 2057
Posts: 1,813
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Quote:
Originally posted by Muslim
now im off to the library, to meet some random chick that studies with me
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Remember to bring milk!
__________________
in my sig i write down all my previous co-ords and alliance positions as if they matter because I'm not important enough to be remembered by nickname alone.
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19 Feb 2003, 01:11
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#39
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Miles Teg
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Dom City
Posts: 5,192
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it is my experience that you can hit on girls way better at party's etc when you are at somebodies place (i tend to have a rather large and a lot of social circles) than a pub.
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19 Feb 2003, 03:43
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#40
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Snake of the Sand
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: Florida, USA
Posts: 1,500
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I'm in tears...notes from our mothers??? what's next?
__________________
I poke badgers with spoons.
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19 Feb 2003, 05:28
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#41
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hated dead or alive
Join Date: Oct 2000
Posts: 595
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Re: I think there should be an certificate
Quote:
Originally posted by Muslim
Girls like funny, sensitive, intelligent, smart, sharp and whatnot (in the "inner" side).
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I think THIS is the essence of your problem....
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19 Feb 2003, 09:58
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#42
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Shai Halud
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Sunny Leeds \o/
Posts: 2,127
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Re: Re: I think there should be an certificate
Quote:
Originally posted by sigrid
I think THIS is the essence of your problem....
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If he has a certificate, that won't matter. They'll have to get nekid with him.
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19 Feb 2003, 10:24
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#43
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Beyond The Sun
Join Date: Sep 2001
Posts: 630
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Muslim win the lottery and then you dont have to certify yourself....girls are hot for money :P
__________________
Psycho, alpha, disco, beta
Somebody's gettin bucked down
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19 Feb 2003, 10:36
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#44
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Guest
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Quote:
Originally posted by Nicole
talking
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HAHAHA
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19 Feb 2003, 15:49
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#45
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∞+♪²
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: :uo!te]o¯|
Posts: 428
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Quote:
Originally posted by Sandsnake
I'm in tears...notes from our mothers??? what's next?
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Little star-shaped stickers from mothers. Every time someone is a good boy, he should get a sticker on his t-shirt. Once he has collected 5, girls will know he is good enough to be with. Since stickers will eventually fall off clothing, it will inspire people to continue being a good boy, so they can get the stickers replaced.
__________________
Structural Integrity for Creator - since he'll probably make PA turn 3D.
Wikipedia forum
Note to self - Don't write Chinese letters with bold and italics... 猫
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