Beachgoers the world over see you coming and say, "Hey, check out the woolly mammoth in the rubber band."
Defying the natural laws of physics, you manage to squeeze a 46 inch waist into a 30 inch suit.
Like ground meat, crammed into a sausage skin, you take to the beach and proudly strut your stuff.
"If you've got it, flaunt it." That's your motto. Which is ironic, because you... haven't got it.
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, sweetcheeks, and know that if you weren't wearing that suit, we'd ask you to take a bow.
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