Die another day

[Aryn]

i just saw this movie
it rawks :P
but i won't really say anything for the people who haven't seen it yet and want to.
i'll just say this.. it's typically bond. oh and miss frost is way sexier than halle berry

[xtrasyn]

I vote Denise Richards to be the worst Bond girl.


Ever.

[Monkeypimp]

when I heard about the 'space laser' it suddonly sounded crap.

[MrL_JaKiri]

Originally posted by Monkeypimp
when I heard about the 'space laser' it suddonly sounded crap.

It can never be outsillied by Moonraker.

[Steve_G]

hottest bond girl and best bond car = winnar =)

[Mong]

In what way does this "rock"?

It's the worst Bond movie Brosnan has done, it really is.

Totally unfeasible! I mean... the plane was BEING BURNT BY A LASER and it flew on for 20 minutes? BAH!

Sorry to spoil it - but hopefully that prevents you from seeing it!

I liek Bond, I really, really do. But Die Another Day is just a Bad Film. From the totally terrible opening credits by Madonna, through to the highly improbable INVISIBLE CAR.

Why didn't the guy get the diamonds plucked out of his face?

Why didn't anybody see the VERY OBVIOUS thing with the MI6 crypto geek girl (Rosamund Pike)?

There ARE many redeeming things though... Lots of flashy toys for Bond and chums to play with, lots of action, things blowing up etc. Halle Berry. Halle Berry. Halle Bery. Plus some comedy moments with Cleese.

I'd give it 4/10 for actual plot, dialogue etc and 8/10 for looking good. So that's 6/10 - which is slightly better than the 52% it recieves on Meta Critic - a very reliable indicator of film quality.

M.

[tyriel]

Originally posted by Mong
Totally unfeasible! I mean... the plane was BEING BURNT BY A LASER and it flew on for 20 minutes? BAH!

you expect "feasible"? 40 years of unfeasible suggests otherwise

[Golin]

Originally posted by xtrasyn
I vote Denise Richards to be the worst Bond girl.


Ever.

[The General8]

Question.

what do you prefer the new bond films or the old ones?

[MrL_JaKiri]

The last 2 were terrible.

Well, TND and TWINE anyway
[edit]

What a fine acronym

[Add]

i just saw this movie
it rawks :P

it's the worst one brosnan has done, and brosnan is a very good actor, so it wasn't him, it was just the story.

but i won't really say anything for the people who haven't seen it yet and want to.
i'll just say this.. it's typically bond.

NO IT WAS NOT

oh and miss frost is way sexier than halle berry

AMEN!!!! Frost is waaaaay better looking. Pity [i was about to put a spoiler here but deleted it]

Originally posted by Steve_G
hottest bond girl and best bond car = winnar =)

so long as you're not talking about halle berry then yes!

Originally posted by Mong
In what way does this "rock"?

It's the worst Bond movie Brosnan has done, it really is.

yes.

Totally unfeasible! I mean... the plane was BEING BURNT BY A LASER and it flew on for 20 minutes? BAH!

the laser was instantly melting a glacier yet it barely touched a jumo jet ffs!

Sorry to spoil it - but hopefully that prevents you from seeing it!

it's worth seeing just for brosnan, the car and MISS FROST

I liek Bond, I really, really do. But Die Another Day is just a Bad Film.

i wouldn't go that far. it's FAR from the best bond ever, but I wouldn't say it was a BAD film, just VERY not bond and I hope they get back on track for the next film

From the totally terrible opening credits by Madonna, through to the highly improbable INVISIBLE CAR.

I can't stand madonna, and the song it utterly crap, but the opening credits are normally where i get up and go to the toilet, buy another drink or fast forward the video, but these were done better - no-where near as boring as usual.

Why didn't the guy get the diamonds plucked out of his face?

i have no idea, that was quite freaky really.

Why didn't anybody see the VERY OBVIOUS thing with the MI6 crypto geek girl (Rosamund Pike)?

it WAS obvious, I just didn't believe it because I didn't want it to be true (I liked her sooo much more than Halle Berry). It was also very lame the way they went, oh yes i'm on your side, oops, i took the clip out of your gun and i'm really bad.

There ARE many redeeming things though... Lots of flashy toys for Bond and chums to play with, lots of action, things blowing up etc. Halle Berry. Halle Berry. Halle Bery. Plus some comedy moments with Cleese.

- Halle Berry. Halle Berry. Halle Bery.

Halle berry was ****. utter, utter ****. Look at when she was shooting the helicopter, the way she held her gun throughout the whole film, and the way she ran. she wasn't even slightly believable. Anyone who has ever fired a gun will know that you DO NOT aim like that. (she aimed with her wrist -big no no, plus running like a girl etc)

I'd give it 4/10 for actual plot, dialogue etc and 8/10 for looking good. So that's 6/10 - which is slightly better than the 52% it recieves on Meta Critic - a very reliable indicator of film quality.

6/10 is probably fair, I might have streched to 7/10 simply because Brosnan is a good actor and Pike is quite good too (pity about her poor role in the story/plot, they could have done so much more with her).

oh well :/

[Steve_G]

since when have bond plots ever been good

if you went there with the intent of seeing a well written movie then its your own fault for wasting your time, if u want to see the action, cars, and women then its a ****en great movie

[MrL_JaKiri]

Originally posted by Steve_G
since when have bond plots ever been good

The ones Fleming wrote?

[Add]

Originally posted by Steve_G
since when have bond plots ever been good

if you went there with the intent of seeing a well written movie then its your own fault for wasting your time, if u want to see the action, cars, and women then its a ****en great movie

people say buffy has no plot, but that and SMG are the main reasons i watch it...

[Steve_G]

Originally posted by Add


people say buffy has no plot, but that and SMG are the main reasons i watch it...

buffy is ****e and smg aint worth watching when there are so many hotter chicks on tv

[Add]

Originally posted by Steve_G


buffy is ****e and smg aint worth watching when there are so many hotter chicks on tv

but you think halle berry is good looking (she isn't)

Originally posted by Mong


blablabla bla bla bla.

Originally posted by Add


blabla bla bla blabla bla.

Killjoy twats. Since when was it ever meant to be realistic. Just enjoy it for what it is, a bit of fun. And its not a laser.

[Vermillion]

* * * Minor Spoilers * * *





Weak film, essentially a whole series of teasers strung together by a weak story and terrible concept. Impressive action to be sure, but the gadgets and tricks have gone from speculative into the realm of pure science fiction. The standard Bond scenes were contrived, obvious and forced, the meeting between Bond and Berry was written by a three-year old and they are not putting any effort into the clever names any more. I mean come on, a thug called Mr. Kill? Could they not come up with anything more subtle? That exemplifies the writing of the film...

The entire premise is weak, the setup is poor and badly executed, and almost every concept they come up with is flawed.

(Marrow therapy does not work that way, hovercraft DO set off mines, two large bricks of C4 will do a lot more than blow up a briefcase, etc)

Entertaining for some of the less contrived action, but still not a good movie, and Cleese as Q is excellent.

Spies For a New Millennium, Part I


A shot from "Live and Let Die," a great movie despite the fact that it starred Roger Moore, a man who the Bond writers eventually tried to get rid of by sending him to the goddamn moon.
Despite our better judgment, Emily and I decided to attend a showing of the new "James Bond: Die Another Day" film at the local Whitetrash-O-Plex. We decided to make the bold and daring move of "leaving the apartment" due to our resident systems administrator / coder "isnoop" demanding that we either watch the movie with him or run the risk of some "unexpected" website outages that "just might" have something to do with him "taking a leak" onto the server's motherboard. In addition to his affinity towards using quotes at inappropriate times, isnoop also enjoys taking us to horrible movies, as his previous accomplishment was blackmailing us into watching "Signs," the film about killer, water-soluble aliens who are too stupid to defeat boarded-up windows. Now don't get us wrong; we like horrible movies as much as the next guy. However, these multi-million dollar mental ejaculations aren't amusing in any way, particularly after you realized that you spent nearly 10 bucks for the privilege of viewing it while sitting next to a fat couple consuming Gummy Bears at an impossible rate.

I think the major problem I have with the "Bond" films lies in the fact that none of the writers have come up with an original line since 1984 or so. Down below MGM's corporate headquarters, I am convinced there sits a huge, beige, punchcard supercomputer from 1974 that continuously pulls out "Bondisms" from a 13 word database, intelligently combining and re-arranging these words into regurgitated sentences which match whatever environment the writers' scene takes place. For example, let's say James Bond is in an ice hotel fighting some villain who owns a flamethrower (conveniently both of which take place in "Die Another Day"). The Bondometer would spit out the following dialogue:

DEATHMAN VonFLAMETHROWER: "Well well well, Mr. Bond! What say we heat things up a bit?" (Turns on flamethrower)
JAMES BOND: "You're treading on thin ice, Deathman!" (Adjusts his super secret watch which not only tells time, but it also tells time in the Metric System, which has 19 megaminutes per joule)
DEATHMAN VonFLAMETHROWER: (Shoots flamethrower) "The heat is on, Mr. Bond!"
JAMES BOND: "You're cold as ice, Deathman!" (Leaps over an ice desk and lands on an ice chair which falls onto the ice carpet near the ice ice machine)
DEATHMAN VonFLAMETHROWER: (Shoots at Bond but misses and instead blows up the kitchen) "If you can't take the heat, Mr. Bond, maybe you should get out of the kitchen!"
JAMES BOND: "You're melting my heart, Deathman!" (Something somewhere explodes for no reason. A helicopter flies around outside and hits a barrel and both blow up)
DEATHMAN VonFLAMETHROWER: "This is the end of the line for you, Mr. Bond! The agency called and said you're FIRED!" (Sprays more flames everywhere; ice catches fire somehow)
JAMES BOND: "Now now now, Deathman! That wasn't playing very n-ICE!" (Missiles fly out of Bond's teeth and cause chandelier to break off and plummet to the Earth, crushing the ice piano and the ice piano playing robot Sony Aibo Man)
DEATHMAN VonFLAMETHROWER: "N-ice? Boy, that's really pushing it, isn't it?" (Entire country of Portugal catches fire)
JAMES BOND: "Pushing it? Don't mind if I do!" (Pushes Deathman off a cliff. He falls 600 million feet and gets impaled on an icicle which then explodes, causing the ice below to rupture. Lava floods above the ice and immolates Deathman, whose body explodes and shoots scorpions and poisonous ladybugs everywhere, all of which explode while stinging his remaining body parts) "Looks like you got iced."


I think this is a picture from a James Bond movie, but I can't recall which one offhand.
Now that I think about it, MGM must also be in the possession of another Bondometer computer machine, as the "sexy double-entendre" dialogue follows the same cliched and idiotic pattern only with the "death" theme replaced by a "sex" one. If the directors of any given James Bond film arbitrarily decided to remove all the retarded transparent sexual innuendo from their film, the running time would be measured in seconds instead of hours. Here's an example of the Sexual Bondometer in action:

JAMES BOND: (To woman guarding a door) "What secret word do I have to say for you to let me inside, Miss...?"
WOMAN AT DOOR: "My name is Entermi. Entermi Vulva. And I wouldn't let you inside for all the sweet words in the world." (Suggestively licks her lips)
JAMES BOND: "Oh, let's be reasonable, the thought of slipping inside shouldn't be that hard to swallow."
ENTERMI VULVA: "Give it up, Mr. Bond, this door isn't as easy to enter as all doors you previously got into so far." (Suggestively drops something between her huge breasts, like a pen or toothpick or torch)
JAMES BOND: "What these doors need is a man's gentle touch to help them part aside and let me get inside." (Does that thing with his face where one eye squints and the other one kind of rolls up into his skull while his mouth turns into a crooked smile)
ENTERMI VULVA: "Why Mr. Bond, aren't you persistent? Perhaps I should repeat myself: nobody gets inside, ever, under any circumstances, in no situation, never!" (Runs over and has sex with James Bond, shortly before letting him go through the doors)

While I certainly can't complain about the brain-smolderingly terrible writing (since the content on Something Awful often rivals the intellectual capacity of a defaced subway terminal wall), I can complain about virtually everything else, since the only redeeming quality of the recent James Bond franchise has been that not a single one has caused my head to fill up with blood and then explode like a well-fed deer tick suffering from explosive decompression. First of all, let me tackle the subject of Pierce Brosnan. If there was a god in the world, and this god did not hate us with the passion of a thousand suns, he would've given Brosnan a fatal case of eyeball cancer while filming the movie "Live Wire" in 1992 (Brosnan was involved in the filming, not God. After watching this movie, you'll understand why God had no part in it). Let me present my case for the immediate destruction of Pierce Brosnan by explaining the "plot" from this travesty, which is 100% true:

Ron Silver plays the role of "Frank Traveres," an evil terrorist who plans to rule the world by making people explode more often than they naturally would, in addition to sleeping with bomb disposal expert Danny O'Neill's (Pierce Brosnan's) wife. Now I certainly don't want to pretend I'm an expert in the terrorism industry, but if my gimmick was to rule the world by blowing **** up, I would certain not sleep around with the wives of prominent bomb disposal experts. Well, unless I was a woman, in which case it'd be cool because then I'd be a lesbian and those are always good for ratings. Frank the Terrorist developed a way to turn ordinary water (harmless) into water which makes you explode when you drink it (deadly). He's tricking senators into drinking this deadly concoction and then having them blow up at very convenient times. These senator-exploding events are baffling the police and FBI, who cannot find a bomb or timer in any of the corpse bits, presumably because they're distracted by the nonstop blaring Casio MIDI orchestral score that accompanies this made for TV movie. I'm not quite sure if Danny the Anti-Bomb Manny works for the FBI or police since he seems to switch departments every scene, but I believe it accompanies his accent which switches from Irish to New Yorker each line of dialogue. Oh yeah, there's also an exquisite flashback sequence which depicts Danny's stupid daughter drowning in a pool accident, so they've got the whole "water = death" motif going in full gear.

The climax of the movie, and oh boy is it ever a climax, was when the mayor held a press conference in the middle of the city square, surrounded by a crowd of inbred halfwits ingesting funnel cakes and holding balloons. Danny surveys the crowd for a potential distributor of Evil Water ™, but it looks like the coast is clear... until he spies a shady-looking clown doing something suspicious with bottles of water! Oh, holy ****, no! Danny the Anti-Bomb Manny pursues the clown, screaming like an idiot for everybody to run away, and they eventually get into a fistfight. While beating on the clown, Danny inadvertently causes the clown to drink Evil Water ™, causing him to begin convulsing like an epileptic licking a power grid. Danny tosses ExplosoClown into a nearby wheelchair and begins pushing him down the street, pleading for nearby people to "get out of the way." Eventually Danny shoves away the wheelchair-bound clown, who then detonates in a fiery explosion. Yes, that is correct, the high point of this film occurs during a fight with an exploding clown.

The only reason I remember this movie so well is because it was on the USA Network 24 hours a day when I was in high school. Every time I would turn on the TV and began flipping through channels, I would invariably pass Pierce Brosnan punching a clown. How can there be a god when people like Brosnan, who was earning possibly hundreds of dollars a year by starring in exclusive USA Network made-for-TV movies, ever get a respectable acting position? Not that the bond franchise can be labeled "respectable" much these days, as the best Bond movies were the ones featuring Joe Don Baker, Richard Kiel, Sean Connery, or that woman who killed people to death with her vagina. Regardless, I feel that the writing behind the recent James Bond films, in addition to the presence of Pierce "Clown Hunter" Brosnan, has turned the series into a dog pile of embarrassment. Luckily I plan on changing this, and changing it so on... keep an eye out for Thursday's update, "Spies For a New Millennium, Part II," in which I reveal the exciting screenplay behind Something Awful's upcoming smash megahit feelgood movie of the decade, "The Spying Game!" There will be sex, guns, explosions, sexy guns, more explosions, car chases, a very large airplane, helicopters, explosions, a considerable amount of explosions, people partaking in actions of some sort, fire, fiery explosions, sex in or possibly with cars, traitors, and exploding traitors! I / you can't wait!

Happy Holidays from the Goldmine!

[Aryn]

i haven't actually seen a bond movie that was 'AMAZINGLY AWESOME!!!!'
i just meant it rawked compared with the other bond movies. by saying it was 'typically bond' i meant the girls, the cars, the blowing up stuff, etc, etc.

i thought it was cool that they left the diamonds in that guy's face. i mean.. most movies that guy would have walked away without a scratch on his face.

[Marilyn Manson]

Is it just me, or are the titles for the Bond movies getting craper?

[sh@dow]

if you pour boiling water over ice it melts instantly, if you pour it over metal the metal doesnt. Now you know why a laser would melt a glacier easier than a plane. (its all still a load of ****e mind you)

[MrL_JaKiri]

Originally posted by Marilyn Manson
Is it just me, or are the titles for the Bond movies getting craper?

Die Another Die is a better title than The World Is Not Enough, although the acronym TWINE is better than DAD.

[Booge8]

Few things:
1) Solitaire from live and let die was so much fitter than either of these two - though they are acceptable
2) The graphics in the second surfing bit (tidal wave caused by laser) were absolutely ****
3) Plot was about as water-tight as most bond plots so you can't really complain about that
4) It wasn't a bad film overall tho i would have probably had as much fun if i had just watched the Astin Martin for 2 hours.

Anyone care to reveal their favourite bond films? between goldeneye and live and let die for me.

[Taratang]

Originally posted by MrL_JaKiri


Die Another Die is a better title than The World Is Not Enough, although the acronym TWINE is better than DAD.

"The world is not enough" happens to be the family motto of the Bond family btw

[Woof]

The special effects in the sceen where he surfs the tidal wave using part of the ice rocket thingy are shocking.
The special effects guy should have been shot, i could have done better on my Casio calculator.

[Mirai]

Do you guys just go to movies to bitch about how they aren't realistic and how bad they are? If that's all you're going to do, then why not just read previews and stop wasting your money and/or time by going.

I enjoyed the movie. It was typical bond, with awesome action sequences mixed with sexuality.

Yes, I can find at least 40 billion things that are wrong with the movie, but where's the fun in bitching about that? Why not just suspend reality for a few hours, and have a good time. That too much to ask?


(and btw, for all you people who think the satellite was a laser, it wasn't. It was more of a giant magnifying glass, focusing sunlight into a beam. But I'm not going to be picky here.)

[Psi_K]

"I Thought Christmas only came once a year" -The world is not enough.

BEST
LINE

EVER

The race on the ice in Die another Day was quite good, definitely not believeable, but entertaining to watch.

[xtrasyn]

Originally posted by Psi_K
"I Thought Christmas only came once a year" -The world is not enough.

BEST
LINE

EVER

I want to differ, but it's purely formal. I donn't want to make a big fuss etc. Just want to say it's NOT the best line EVER.

Unless at some point in the future, a LOT of different movies would be totally destroyed, ofcourse.

[Psi_K]

Originally posted by xtrasyn



I want to differ, but it's purely formal. I donn't want to make a big fuss etc. Just want to say it's NOT the best line EVER.

Unless at some point in the future, a LOT of different movies would be totally destroyed, ofcourse.

Feel free to add some of your best lines ever, I truely want to know.

[xtrasyn]

Didn't I try to, like, just evade that, in a meticulous, but still friendly way?

[Psi_K]

Originally posted by xtrasyn
Didn't I try to, like, just evade that, in a meticulous, but still friendly way?

yes, you tried I'm a pain aint I

[xtrasyn]

Originally posted by Psi_K

yes, you tried I'm a pain aint I

Less than you think, but too much for comfort.

[Add]

Originally posted by sh@dow
if you pour boiling water over ice it melts instantly, if you pour it over metal the metal doesnt. Now you know why a laser would melt a glacier easier than a plane. (its all still a load of ****e mind you)

pour boiling water over a glacia 2 miles thick and see how much damage it does.

STILL not a laser.

[Jammers]

Originally posted by Trevize
STILL not a laser.

Its a focused beam of light. A focused beam of light is a laser (or a lightsabre)

[Cmdr_Cyrax]

Uh boss? He beat your time............

god I gotta see it... gotta find a friend to go with though... maybe I'll invite a girl I haven't seen for years just because my gf is tired of movies.