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7 Aug 2005, 19:47
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#1
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Next goal wins!
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: London
Posts: 5,406
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Advice thread for silversmoke
Basically, it has been brought to my attention, that the 20 year old girl our dear friend silversmoke is going out with is a virgin, and screams whenever he tries to put his cock in her. Whilst many of us would find this a turn on, dear Silver seems to take this as a cue to desist.
What this thread is for is numerous schemes to get her to "put out" as it were
anyway:
Finger her with more and more fingers/hand/wrist/arm until its loose enough to get in
Slip it in whilst she is asleep
just PUSH through instead of putting it in a small amount thus getting her to complain
gogogo
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bastard bastard bastard bastard
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7 Aug 2005, 19:48
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#2
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Guy next door
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 4,745
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Re: Advice thread for silversmoke
eh
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..look
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7 Aug 2005, 19:49
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#3
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so f*cking zen
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Hitting Bottom
Posts: 8,499
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Re: Advice thread for silversmoke
Make a worse pain elsewhere so she's distracted from the no-no place pain.
Cutting off one of her arms might achieve this.
Only problem with that one is finishing the sex quickly enough so that there's still time to get her to a hospital before she dies from the blood loss.
What with it being SilverSmoke and all i dont think "finishing quickly" will be a big problem tho.
"GG" fella.
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On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.
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7 Aug 2005, 19:51
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#4
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so f*cking zen
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Hitting Bottom
Posts: 8,499
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Re: Advice thread for silversmoke
Alternatively **** her in the ass sans vaseline so she really knows what "tight is like".
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On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.
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7 Aug 2005, 19:53
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#5
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Next goal wins!
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: London
Posts: 5,406
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Re: Advice thread for silversmoke
ignore her when she complains
simple but effective
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bastard bastard bastard bastard
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7 Aug 2005, 20:01
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#6
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Heh, Leeds !
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: In The Redfern
Posts: 3,790
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Re: Advice thread for silversmoke
How the f'k has Silversmoke got a conscious woman to sleep with him ?
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The George Harrison of BlueTuba
Yes, I know he is dead !
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7 Aug 2005, 20:03
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#7
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cynic
Join Date: May 2000
Location: Bishop Auckland Co. Durham
Posts: 8,809
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Re: Advice thread for silversmoke
get her very very drunk, chances are she won't feel it
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lazy
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7 Aug 2005, 20:04
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#8
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J to the C to the A G E
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: Scúnthorpe
Posts: 5,583
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Re: Advice thread for silversmoke
I have a friend who had a girlfriend whom it was impossible to fit a dick in. He did away with her.
Last edited by LHC; 7 Aug 2005 at 21:01.
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7 Aug 2005, 20:09
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#9
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Bored
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: Nottm ->Shef ->Croydon ->Manc ->Durham ->Sheffield
Posts: 6,506
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Re: Advice thread for silversmoke
I've had the problem of not being able to get it all the way in before... It's not fun.
I suggest just guilt tripping her until she decides to take the pain. "If you loved me you wouldn't scream" etc.
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7 Aug 2005, 21:41
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#10
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Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 3,174
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Re: Advice thread for silversmoke
Dead girls dont say no
__________________
If one person is in delusion, they're called insane.
If many people are in delusion, it's called a religion.
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7 Aug 2005, 23:26
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#11
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Angry Young Man
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Mister Cacciatore's down on Sullivan Street
Posts: 7,518
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Re: Advice thread for silversmoke
christ.
tear, smplumf, aaaaaaaaaaaah!, oh, oh!, oh!, oh!, oh, oh
Take her pants off, pummel her, have your two minutes of fun, ko.
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Believe in me, cause i don't believe in anything
And i wanna be someone, to believe, to believe in
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7 Aug 2005, 23:33
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#12
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so f*cking zen
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Hitting Bottom
Posts: 8,499
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Re: Advice thread for silversmoke
spleeaple?
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On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.
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7 Aug 2005, 23:35
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#13
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Angry Young Man
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Mister Cacciatore's down on Sullivan Street
Posts: 7,518
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Re: Advice thread for silversmoke
i didnt spell anything badly, thats just harsh
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Believe in me, cause i don't believe in anything
And i wanna be someone, to believe, to believe in
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7 Aug 2005, 23:48
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#14
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so f*cking zen
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Hitting Bottom
Posts: 8,499
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Re: Advice thread for silversmoke
HARSH LIKE AN ALCOHOLIC'S* BREATH!!!
*your (Robbie's)
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On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.
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8 Aug 2005, 00:03
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#15
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share the <3
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Location: Location:
Posts: 2,709
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Re: Advice thread for silversmoke
plan a romantic light dinner, light some candles, put some soothing music on, dim the lights and get into a soft bed after you've put on some fresh sheets and bed covers smelling of spring, get some oil and massage her till shes relaxed, tell her shes the most beautiful girl in the world,talk sweet nothings to her, let her explore your body to get a little control and feel comfortable, get her on top and whilst she lies on your stomach tell her to back gently onto your penis whilst you guide it in, she can stop whenever she wants, look into her eyes, kiss/caress her etc*
*IF YOU'RE A FAG THAT IS, get her drunk fs, put some rophonol inside her, grease her up and have your way. You're either being pwned by a 20yr old or you're pwning the 20yr old. Its up to you.
/edit
tell her you're like the tatooist guy her mother took her to to get her ears pierced, a moments pain to open up the hole but it leads to a lifetimes use.
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Sophie is hotter than you
though ive gone off her now; the way Susanna Reid squirms around on sml is, however, awesome
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8 Aug 2005, 06:34
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#16
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Raaaaaaaah!
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 2,296
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Re: Advice thread for silversmoke
Silversmoke relationship drama thread for the week commencing August 7th.
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Hicks
Mercury & Solace
Always [Fury]
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8 Aug 2005, 08:12
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#17
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Registered User
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: South Pacific
Posts: 4,911
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Re: Advice thread for silversmoke
don't get her drunk, you'll take away something special and valuable from her and turn it into a fumbling **** up.
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I think it's time we blow this scene, get everybody and the stuff together..........
ok 3..... 2..... 1.. let's jam
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8 Aug 2005, 14:37
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#18
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PA Team
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 7,449
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Re: Advice thread for silversmoke
Firstly, does she love silversmoke (or think she does?) as it'll be a lot harder if she doesn't, tbh. Just push the limits every couple of days. If you push her hard to have sex, she'll have it once out of guilt then probably not want it again. If she (feels she) has a bit of control at first (like, try and get her to suggest it, and occasionally let her lead things), then you'll get a lot more sex in the long run, and she'll probably be more willing to try a lot more things later once she gets used to it. People are a lot more willing to do things when they feel happy with it than if they do it to keep someone else happy. Also, the first time it generally hurts like **** for women, so you might want to give her a heads up and remind her it'll be a lot better all the other times.
Oh, and if you make her feel she's shit at it, it's another good way not to get sex. be positive and suggestive
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r8-10 RaH r10.5-12 MISTU
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8 Aug 2005, 15:13
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#19
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Guy next door
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 4,745
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Re: Advice thread for silversmoke
She does indeed love me and already feel guilty for this, because she really wants it herself as well. Mind you, we did everything except for that but something blocks her because she fears the pain very much.
Tonight she comes over and brings 2 bottles of wine with her so we'll see. Actually I don't really consider this as a huge problem as things will be fine soonish, it's her who's bothered with this a lot.
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..look
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8 Aug 2005, 17:30
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#20
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USS Oklahoma
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 2,500
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Re: Advice thread for silversmoke
Show her this thread. That should calm her fears.
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Ignorance is curable, stupidity is not.
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8 Aug 2005, 18:23
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#21
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:alpha:
Join Date: May 2002
Location: London, UK
Posts: 7,871
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Re: Advice thread for silversmoke
According to all the sex stories I've read, it always "kind of hurts yet feels so good" - so go for it.
Apparently, she'll then let you do her up the arse and cum all over her hair.
Erotic texts are good because they're realistic
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"There is no I in team, but there are two in anal fisting"
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8 Aug 2005, 18:27
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#22
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Gone
Join Date: Jan 2001
Posts: 14,656
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Re: Advice thread for silversmoke
Give her a local anaesthetic.
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8 Aug 2005, 18:44
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#23
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Miles Teg
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Dom City
Posts: 5,192
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Re: Advice thread for silversmoke
loosen her up with your fingers and tongue.
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Audentes Fortuna Iuvat
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8 Aug 2005, 19:05
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#24
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Mathamagician
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: At the very edge of existance
Posts: 1,803
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Re: Advice thread for silversmoke
Quote:
Originally Posted by SilverSmoke
Tonight she comes over and brings 2 bottles of wine with her so we'll see. Actually I don't really consider this as a huge problem as things will be fine soonish, it's her who's bothered with this a lot.
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because you're going to gang rape her am i rite?
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I think I just had an evilgasm
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8 Aug 2005, 22:29
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#25
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so f*cking zen
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Hitting Bottom
Posts: 8,499
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Re: Advice thread for silversmoke
Quote:
Originally Posted by SilverSmoke
Tonight she comes over and brings 2 bottles of wine with her so we'll see.
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So she's gonna go from one small half-asian man's penis to a wine bottle ALL IN ONE NIGHT!
You've got a goer there SilverSmoke
A REAL goer!
__________________
On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.
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9 Aug 2005, 05:54
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#26
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oh...sexy...
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: P-ville, still not Pieville...but close.
Posts: 515
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Re: Advice thread for silversmoke
Ignore this thread if it is not a problem
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Professional new guy.
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9 Aug 2005, 06:35
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#27
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Luminous Flux
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: Fargo, ND
Posts: 215
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Re: Advice thread for silversmoke
Great, wine will help fulfill both needs. Just don't dump her during a vacation!
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Cuddley_Battleship
Your neg rep destination.
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9 Aug 2005, 06:43
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#28
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Not Dark or Handsome
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Cwmbru
Posts: 2,588
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Re: Advice thread for silversmoke
Buy her a dildo. She can then 'prepare' herself for the real thing.
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"You can't drink a pint of Bovril."
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9 Aug 2005, 07:19
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#29
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Luminous Flux
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: Fargo, ND
Posts: 215
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Re: Advice thread for silversmoke
Just don't use it on yourself too -- hahaha!!!!!!!111111111111111111111111
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Cuddley_Battleship
Your neg rep destination.
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9 Aug 2005, 07:32
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#30
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This is bat country
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Norway
Posts: 1,693
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Re: Advice thread for silversmoke
Quote:
Originally Posted by sniborp
Dead girls dont say no
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the po-lice does however
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Burárum!
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9 Aug 2005, 07:53
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#31
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Clerk
Join Date: Jun 2001
Posts: 13,940
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Re: Advice thread for silversmoke
I detect some jealousy in this thread.
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9 Aug 2005, 13:48
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#32
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a little bit broken
Join Date: Jun 2003
Posts: 1,405
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Re: Advice thread for silversmoke
it hurts the first time, and be prepared for blood.
best plan is to make her come first and she will be relaxed, lubricated and slightly numb
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i came, i saw, i made a bit of a mess
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9 Aug 2005, 14:17
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#33
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Heh, Leeds !
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: In The Redfern
Posts: 3,790
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Re: Advice thread for silversmoke
Surely the best advice for Silversmoke would be,
DON'T BE A FAG
__________________
The George Harrison of BlueTuba
Yes, I know he is dead !
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9 Aug 2005, 14:21
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#34
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Old Man O Deh *****s
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: In spelelpee land
Posts: 3,516
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Re: Advice thread for silversmoke
Quote:
Originally Posted by SilverSmoke
She does indeed love me and already feel guilty for this, because she really wants it herself as well. Mind you, we did everything except for that but something blocks her because she fears the pain very much.
Tonight she comes over and brings 2 bottles of wine with her so we'll see. Actually I don't really consider this as a huge problem as things will be fine soonish, it's her who's bothered with this a lot.
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You can't have done too much, otherwise she'd have seen your tiny penis and her fears of being hurt/feeling it would have been calmed completely.
I don't think you're being completely honest with us.
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Dead_Meat
You dont need to keep beating a dog to get it to stop shitting on the carpet
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9 Aug 2005, 14:43
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#35
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Guy next door
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 4,745
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Re: Advice thread for silversmoke
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dead_Meat
You can't have done too much, otherwise she'd have seen your tiny penis and her fears of being hurt/feeling it would have been calmed completely.
I don't think you're being completely honest with us.
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oh lol, i didn't expect a tiny penis comment when I checked this thread after noticing the last reply was from funny old DM!
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..look
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9 Aug 2005, 15:02
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#36
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Old Man O Deh *****s
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: In spelelpee land
Posts: 3,516
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Re: Advice thread for silversmoke
Someone had to do it. This thread was lacking in 'small penis' jokes.
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Dead_Meat
You dont need to keep beating a dog to get it to stop shitting on the carpet
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9 Aug 2005, 16:03
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#37
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Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 3,174
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Re: Advice thread for silversmoke
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vaio
Surely the best advice for Silversmoke would be,
DON'T BE A FAG
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Isnt that a bit late?
__________________
If one person is in delusion, they're called insane.
If many people are in delusion, it's called a religion.
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9 Aug 2005, 22:37
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#38
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so f*cking zen
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Hitting Bottom
Posts: 8,499
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Re: Advice thread for silversmoke
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dead_Meat
Someone had to do it. This thread was lacking in 'small penis' jokes.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dace
So she's gonna go from one small half-asian man's penis to a wine bottle ALL IN ONE NIGHT!
You've got a goer there SilverSmoke
A REAL goer!
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orly?!
__________________
On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.
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10 Aug 2005, 10:39
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#39
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Old Man O Deh *****s
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: In spelelpee land
Posts: 3,516
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Re: Advice thread for silversmoke
Rly.
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Dead_Meat
You dont need to keep beating a dog to get it to stop shitting on the carpet
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10 Aug 2005, 10:47
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#40
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I am an idiot
Join Date: Feb 2003
Posts: 2,145
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Re: Advice thread for silversmoke
I know the real reason she wont sleep with you yet, it is about the pain but not the pain you think it is.
Basically you bird is a dirty bird, you know the sort who hangs out with the football club every saturday and lets all the boys score at least once.
Shes had one of those virgin repair ops and is still waiting for it to heal. Give it a few weeks and it wil be as good as new, well as new as an old ford capri of a bird can be that is.
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10 Aug 2005, 13:49
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#41
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wild one
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: River Edge, NJ
Posts: 3,313
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Re: Advice thread for silversmoke
Sleep with her mother instead.
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10 Aug 2005, 15:51
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#42
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oh...sexy...
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: P-ville, still not Pieville...but close.
Posts: 515
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Re: Advice thread for silversmoke
Quote:
Originally Posted by skiddy
Sleep with her mother instead.
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That is jolly good, sure it will work...
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Professional new guy.
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10 Aug 2005, 15:55
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#43
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Gone
Join Date: Jan 2001
Posts: 14,656
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Re: Advice thread for silversmoke
Cum in her makeup bag.
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10 Aug 2005, 16:29
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#44
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Guy next door
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 4,745
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Re: Advice thread for silversmoke
Quote:
Originally Posted by CrashTester
I know the real reason she wont sleep with you yet
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She does sleep with me
__________________
..look
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12 Aug 2005, 00:56
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#45
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o_|/
Join Date: May 2003
Location: o_|/
Posts: 38
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Re: Advice thread for silversmoke
to quote norman lamont:
"if it isn't hurting, it isn't working"
or was that just his spitting image puppet.
it's all a blur
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\|_o_|/
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12 Aug 2005, 04:49
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#46
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Powering your life...
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Dublin
Posts: 400
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Re: Advice thread for silversmoke
Quote:
Originally Posted by Flavius
your friend was dating Kura?
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ROTFL
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Reality is only a perception.
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