Nutty bint

[CrashTester]

You may remember this thread from a few weeks ago; http://pirate.planetarion.com/showthread.php?t=170507

Well, at the weekend it came back to bite me for no apparent reason.

Me and the GF were clearing out the bedroom we were using to swap one bed to another and while doing so she found these pictures. She said something about having them, which she knew because I had told her the night we left her flat, and she put them on the floor.

Shortly after this she went all quiet and dissappeared for 10 minutes. I asked if anything was wrong and she said it wasnt. So I carried on doing stuff but could tell that something was up.

During the construction of the new bed I had to move the bedside cabinet and the photos and some other stuff were in the way so I picked it all up and put in into the open shelf of the cabinet.

Later on she asked me if I had moved the pics to which I replied that I had. I said was there anything wrong with that at which point she said 'you know there is. We will speak about it later'.

Anyway, later came and all became clear. She was upset that the pics were in the bedside cabinet in a room where she slept. She said she didnt know I had them and claimed that when I had her I had them, she thought I was joking. I also told her at another time they were in the bedsite cabinet. They wasnt hidden, they were just there. Is it my fault she took my honesty the wrong way?

So my GF is now saying that I have upset her for keeping these pics in the same room as her. Excuse me? I tried asking why this had upset her when she has a) known from the beginning of our relationship that I own porn and look at porn b) have kept said porn in a bedsid cabinet while I have known her. She is saying that I should not keep porn in the same room as her and tried to get into a 'dont you fancy me anymore' debate.

I wasnt really having any of this and I told her so, explaining that . I also pointed out that I have never kept any of this a secret as I intended to continue viewing porn and getting the odd film here and there. It isnt like I have a problem with it, its for occasional use only.

She seems to be saying that I should change my ways so that I dont upset her but I told her that I dont intend doing that especially when I cant see I have done anything wrong. I have been honest so far and she knew this, why should I be expected to change when she kept seeing me knowing who and what I am?

I couldnt help being honest again and saying to her that if it had been a problem in the beginning then I would never have continued the relationship. How she is acting is not the sort of person I want to spend time with. I cant do anymore than be honest but the way she is coming across over this matter is that she would rather I dont tell her everything and tip toe around her. I cant see that causing problems further down the line can you?

So anyway, a bit later on she still wasnt talking to me properly despite my best efforts to talk to her and at one point she dissappeared for a while. I could hear her pottering about but then it stopped for about 10-15 minutes. I assumed she had gone upstairs to sort some clothes out or something. However, when I went into the kitchen she was just stood there staring into nothingness. I asked what was wrong and she did a little 'I dont feel well' and 'how long was I there routine' . I mean, wtf is that all about??

Either she is an attention seeker or a nutty bint, so how come its taken 18 months for her to show the nutty streak?

[Intervention]

Why not move the pictures elsewhere?

[Ste]

girls mate. As soon as they think they've got you for good they try and change you.

Forgetting conversations, or changing their mind is just normal.
Unfortunately we have to live with it.

I'm thinking of getting into the habit of making my gf sign agreements about not changing her mind about things so I can remind her later that she hasn't got a leg to stand on.

[Vaio]

She probably feels that because you have a need for pr0n that you are using that as a substitute for having sex with her and that she doesnt fullfil your needs. It might be worth suggesting that she lets you take photographs of her in similar poses to the woman in the photos so in a few years you can did them out of the loft and tug away to them to your hearts content. If she doesn't then she is being totally selfish

Vaio

[CrashTester]

Originally Posted by Intervention

Why not move the pictures elsewhere?

Why do I need to? They will only be in the next room, will I then have to move them prior to her entering that room? Its just silly on her part whether they are in one room or another.

If she didnt like that sort of thing she has had plenty of time before now to make it clear and allow us to go our seperate ways.

[madi]

girls are funny

[XeeThot]

Originally Posted by madi

girls are funny

And awesome to play with.

[MrL_JaKiri]

I agree with Xee, nothing like a good game of scrabble.

[XeeThot]

or twister

[roadrunner_0]

twister rocks
but on a serious note, everyone knows that the first thing you do when you have a GF is hide the porn, unless she is into it as well

[Ebany]

Its something thats never bothered me, and tbh, I've never really understood girls who make a big deal about it. I usually have a more impressive porn collection than any of my partners. If I'm not in the mood and they are I have nothing against them going and sorting themselves out.

They just better not sulk about me doing the same thing.

[CrashTester]

Thing is she has never been bothered by it but this recent thing she is saying that its 'different' because the pictures are in some way more real because they were developed at a boots and not from a top shelf magazine.

And she cant understand why I dont understand. This sort of thing can make a man go loopy.

To Roadrunner: But she knew I had it from the start of our relationshipo (18 months now) and has never shown any objections. 3 weeks after moving in though...BAM!

I tell ya though, she realises that I mean it when I say I would not be with a girl who didnt allow me to have this stuff . And she is right to, I dont mess about anymore and will not have any of my harmless freedoms taken away by someone else.

[MrL_JaKiri]

She thinks of the magezine women as dehumanised, just pieces of meat, effectively. The 'real' photos force her to recognise that it is a woman, and not just some toy for your amusement.

[CrashTester]

Exactly. Which is her problem.

[MrL_JaKiri]

I think you're the uncaring bastard in all of this, not her. She lets you use porn, but when she asks for one concession in that area, you call her a nutty bint.

By refusing to do this one extremely minor task, you could be making it appear like you care about your dirty photos more than you do her.

[ChubbyChecker]

Originally Posted by MrL_JaKiri

I think you're the uncaring bastard in all of this, not her. She lets you use porn, but when she asks for one concession in that area, you call her a nutty bint.

By refusing to do this one extremely minor task, you could be making it appear like you care about your dirty photos more than you do her.

I concur

[CrashTester]

And she would be right, in this case. Its not about the porn its about her wanting to remove something trivial from my life that I consider no harm in having.

Since she has been aware of all this right from the start, I'll I'd say that makes her a little uncaring about what I want. I'm not asking her to sleep with her best mate so I can watch, after all.

If she didnt want to be with a man who had and looked at this stuff she shouldnt have continued the relationship when I told her about the stuff early on.

I know I dont want to be with someone who objects to me having/using porn and am quite prepared to find someone who doesnt mind and I expect her to be as honest with herself.

Theres no point trying to change someone, people will only go on to do as they please anyway whether you like it or not. Be up front and honest I say and let the other person decide where they want to be, no-one is forced into a relationship and either party can leave at anytime if they really want to. If they dont and stick around for whatever reasons then they have noone to blame but themselves.

[CrashTester]

Originally Posted by ChubbyChecker

I concur

So would be happy to let a partner tell you who you could and could not be friends with. Say you had a best friend who you had known all your life but she didnt get on well with, would it be ok for her to prevent you from seeing them anymore or would you find that acceptable?

Dont say its different because it isnt, its exactly the same thing.

[Ste]

Originally Posted by CrashTester

So would be happy to let a partner tell you who you could and could not be friends with. Say you had a best friend who you had known all your life but she didnt get on well with, would it be ok for her to prevent you from seeing them anymore or would you find that acceptable?

Dont say its different because it isnt, its exactly the same thing.

umm... not really exactly...

[ChubbyChecker]

But she's saying you can have it, just put it in a different room isn't she? Or did I misunderstand something?

Anyway, there's always compromises involved when you're going out with someone, especially if you live with them. Just depends on how far you're prepared to go.
If all she wants is for you to remove porn from the bedroom then I think you disagreeing is unreasonable. If she wants you to get rid of it altogether then maybe she is being a "nutty bint".

[madi]

what a girl you are dating will consider acceptable and what a girl you are living with will consider acceptable are not the same thing

you replies suggest to me that you are not mature enough to be living with your girlfriend

its called compromise

[CrashTester]

Originally Posted by madi

what a girl you are dating will consider acceptable and what a girl you are living with will consider acceptable are not the same thing

you replies suggest to me that you are not mature enough to be living with your girlfriend

its called compromise

I think its called honesty. Are you in any way mature enough to understand what that means?

It means, if you tell your partner something, you are making them 'aware' so that there can be no accusations of being dishonest in the future. At this point a person is able to make an informed becision as to whether or not you continue to be the person he/she thought you was. If he/she does and continues to carry on the relationship then they can be sure they are getting the real you.

If you then find that even after being honest, your partner wasnt able to be honest with themselves but continued a relationship despite not liking the real you, how on earth do you fathom that the other person is to blame? How is it that they are less mature than the person not willing to accept their partner for who they are?

Honesty is a compromise, probably a bigger compromise than you could ever achieve, judging by your comments. Some people can live with it, others cannot. - its a risk you take. You sound like a girl that needs the odd lie or two so that you are able to live as happily as you can in the fantasy world you think is 'real life'.

I decided I dont want to live that way anymore, it's not good for all concerned as you will one day find out your fragile little world is easily broken. By someone else who is throwing the stones.

[CrashTester]

Originally Posted by Ste

umm... not really exactly...

Yep excactly. Ok, ok, ok...lets put it this way.

Say you are a police officer and you meet a girl, you get along great, etc. You start a relationship and everything is just splendid.

Then one day she turns to you and says 'darling, I dont want you to be a policeman anymore, I worry everytime you leave the house. I fear you wont come back.'

Now thats all very sweet and all, but you became a policeman because you wanted to be, you knew the risks and were prepared to live with it. And so was she when you met.

Then all of a sudden she cannot live like it any longer. This is not through any fault of your own, its entirely your partners problem. Isnt it?

How you choose to deal with it is upto you, if you are honest with yourself you would continue being a policeman - its all you ever wanted to be. If you pander to your partners emotions you will probably end up regretting it when you are older and its too late.

And her? Well, she will be happy for a while until she finds the income is affected, you have no money, you get grouch because you can no longer do the thing you love and eventually she runs off with someone more exciting to start the process again.

All because she made the mistake of getting into a relationship she didnt really want.

[madi]

are we or are we not talking about a naked photo of the previous occupants girlfriend?

for a start this is not the same as porn in my eyes so i dont suppose it is in hers

it is voyeurism

not a nameless naked person to aid your imagination while having a wank but a young woman who was as likely naked in the same room you are wanking in

can you not see the difference?

[CrashTester]

Originally Posted by madi

are we or are we not talking about a naked photo of the previous occupants girlfriend?

for a start this is not the same as porn in my eyes so i dont suppose it is in hers

it is voyeurism

not a nameless naked person to aid your imagination while having a wank but a young woman who was as likely naked in the same room you are wanking in

can you not see the difference?

It was just photo's of a woman who may or may not have lived at the flat - I or my GF doesnt know, we dont know her or anyone who was in the photo's. I assumed in my original post that it was the landlords girlfriend but I have absolutely no ide whether it is or not. So it IS a nameless person.

I have not used the material for sexual relief, I just picked them up to look at later, as boys do, as I would do.

My GF moved into my house which is why she was moving out of her flat.

No, I cannot see the difference and right now I dont believe there is one.

[MrL_JaKiri]

Originally Posted by madi

your replies suggest to me that you are not mature enough to be living with your girlfriend

[madi]

Originally Posted by CrashTester

It was just photo's of a woman who may or may not have lived at the flat - I or my GF doesnt know, we dont know her or anyone who was in the photo's. I assumed in my original post that it was the landlords girlfriend but I have absolutely no ide whether it is or not. So it IS a nameless person.

I have not used the material for sexual relief, I just picked them up to look at later, as boys do, as I would do.

My GF moved into my house which is why she was moving out of her flat.

No, I cannot see the difference and right now I dont believe there is one.

it is different

you kept a photograph of a woman to look at later = voyeurism

you didnt pop to the local corner shop and pick up a girly mag to aid relief = porn

she see's it as different too
dont you respect her view at all?

(she is probably worried you are secretly some sort of pervy peeping tom and have been keeping it from her)

[CrashTester]

porn is voyeurism, so where is your argument?

I dont respect her view when it is clouded by jeolousy.

This year I was supposed to be going travelling, we were supposed to be going travelling together, although I was planning it before we met and she said she would like to come to.

However, she got offered another job which she decided to abandon plans to travel and I was expected to do the same. I didnt want to, I was prepared to go alone.

You know why I didnt? Because she was worried I would meet someone else. This is despite never showing any tendancies to seek other women and her having no reason whatseoever to believe I would be unfaithful. I even went to lengths in the beginning to show her I could be trusted.

I compromised on this (which Im really not happy about) and now I wonder how much her insecurities will affect me in the future. This incident is demonstrating that it could affect me quite a bit.

[cheekybru]

Dude u gotta learn that if you love someone enough to move in with them, then its not just your needs that count, I think loads of boys would like a gf who doesnt mind the porn, but most do, most think they themselves arnt good enough compared to the women in the said photos.

Think whats importent in your life, the porn or her, she cant help it if she feels bad about the porn, and if you pick the porn you need to tell her cos you are not in love.

[madi]

Originally Posted by CrashTester

I dont respect her view when it is clouded by jeolousy.
...
I compromised on this (which Im really not happy about) and now I wonder how much her insecurities will affect me in the future. This incident is demonstrating that it could affect me quite a bit.

you need to realise that the likelyhood of you meeting a woman that matches every single one of your desires ambitions and faults at that particular moment in time is slim to none
combined with the fact that people grow and change as they get older and the dynamics of a relationship do the same

if you arent prepared to work at a relationship and make compromises you shouldnt expect to have a successful one

[Pyr0 MK III]

Originally Posted by Ebany

Its something thats never bothered me, and tbh, I've never really understood girls who make a big deal about it. I usually have a more impressive porn collection than any of my partners.

Yes, but your're actually a pornstar though.

[Dace]

CrashTester is correct.

I feel that this situation is more about making a stand than not being "open" to compromise.

Porn in your room
(small step)
Porn in another room
(small step)
Porn in the loft
(small step)
Porn thrown out

Is the way i see this situation going (and i reckon CT is prolly worried about it too).

[Mushroom]

Originally Posted by Dace

Porn in the loft
(small step)
Porn thrown out

Ironically enough, if it had just been these two steps this wouldn't have happened

[Super]

Would you be ok if she had nude photos of your 'attractive' mates? And if she used them to masturbate with?

I'm lucky though, my girlfriend is great. She doesn't mind me using porn, will even turn it on to toy with me.

[Danae]

Just do her a favour and dump her.

[CrashTester]

Originally Posted by Super

Would you be ok if she had nude photos of your 'attractive' mates? And if she used them to masturbate with?

I'm lucky though, my girlfriend is great. She doesn't mind me using porn, will even turn it on to toy with me.

You are a bit too wide of the point. I dont have naked photo's of her mates - THEY ARE OF SOMEONE NEITHER OF US KNOW OR ARE EVER LIKELY TO MEET!

If it were a case of me having naked pictures of her best mate I could understand where she is coming from, but since they are not I cannot.

My GF is OK with the porn, that wasnt the point she was making at all. It was more that these photos shouldnt have been in the bedroom (and my point is that porn has always been in the bedroom since we met) and that in some way these are more personal. Quite how they are I have no idea, since as I've already said neither of know the woman in the pics.

[Idler]

I got lots of porn dvd's in my gf's bedroom

and she watches them
(yay)

[CrashTester]

Originally Posted by Dace

CrashTester is correct.

I feel that this situation is more about making a stand than not being "open" to compromise.

Porn in your room
(small step)
Porn in another room
(small step)
Porn in the loft
(small step)
Porn thrown out

Is the way i see this situation going (and i reckon CT is prolly worried about it too).

This is correct to an extent and ii most certainly is about making the stand rather than being about open to compromise.

I have made my point of view clear from the outset - I use and collect porn, which my GF knew and was prepared to accept. And I believe, as you point out, it may lead on to other things in the chain. I am 100% not prepared to go down that route after being open and honest from the outset and see no reason why I need to change.

To me, its my GF who has been less than honest with herself in order to get into a relationship that perhaps doesnt quite suit her. And theres nothing I can do about that because if I start with this 'minor' issue (as some has called it, what will be next?

[Idler]

are you that 16 year 'ChrasTest' guy with a head shaped like a banana? (if not, sorry)

[G_frog]

Its obvious from this thread you have no respect for her. If you don't see that as a problem on your side rather than hers you deserve everything you get.

[Idler]

exactly why should anyone 'respect' a bint who's only task is to play headgames ?

women get penis on a far heavier rate than most men get dingding so its women who should be stepping up and acting normal, TA.

[Costa]

she isnt crazy, with my experience thats normal.

Apologise and go down on her

[G_frog]

Is that a troll or a strawman?

[Idler]

shut up stupid american

[MrL_JaKiri]

Originally Posted by Idler

exactly why should anyone 'respect' a bint who's only task is to play headgames ?

women get penis on a far heavier rate than most men get dingding so its women who should be stepping up and acting normal, TA.

How can women get more heterosexual sex than men?

[MrL_JaKiri]

Originally Posted by Idler

shut up stupid american

I remember when I got called an american.

I giggled.

[Idler]

Originally Posted by MrL_JaKiri

How can women get more heterosexual sex than men?

1 female does dallas and score 100 guys
100 guys gets 1 vagina

elementary!

[Idler]

I watched Bowling for Columbine last night

I am so utterly frustrated with stupid americans
(oh lets blame marilyn manson.. and [b]SOUTH PARK[b])

I listen to Mr. Manson and I'm perfectly healthy

[MrL_JaKiri]

Bowling for Columbine frustrates me with the lies of Michael Moore as well.

[Idler]

that would be the idea
he doesnt like america all that much and stuff :/

Charles Heston is a useless person tho