Attention Whoring

[Dace]

I appreciate that some people think that i am a bit of an attention whore what with me telling stories about myself and my life on these here boards and i would just like to correct this.

I AM NOT AN ATTENTION WHORE!

What i am is a "used-to-be-catholic" and as i don't go to confession no more this place is the closest i get to "confessing things".

In many respects i view this place like God.

The strange thing is my opinion on both the Church God and this one are very similar.

Anyways here is where i talk and hopefully get at least some sort of answer to the dilemas i face in my life.

I'm just telling you this because i am about to post the most "attention whoring" post in the history of these boards (probably).

[Dace]

RANKIN HITS 23 - 23 HITS BACK HARDER!



At about 4 am on January 1st 2004 i was sitting alone with my best mate in his flat talking.

I told him that i was sick of not having a girlfriend and that i was making it my New Years Resolution that i wouldn't spend another Hogmany single (well next years Hogmany anyway).

I also told him that by "[being] sick of not having a girlfriend" i meant "being sick of not having regular sex (with a girl and not myself)".

He told me that he knew that was what i meant anyway.

We know each other pretty well you see (NOT carnally).



Anyways it was my birthday on Tuesday (JANUARY THE SIXTH FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO WANT TO MARK IT DOWN SO I CAN GET PRESENTS AND CARDS AND DRINKS AND SUCH NEXT YEAR) and for a change me and some friends went and got drunk.

Many many drinks later that night i found myself in "The Garage" (and before any smartarsed comments it's a club in Glasgow).

I had a few more drinks in there and then something strange happened.

A GIRL CAME OVER TO TALK TO ME! (there were other girls with her who started talking to my friends)

Me and not anyone else in my group ME (twas a rather strange experience)!



Anyway it seemed she knew my brother (Phil) and had infact met me at a party (something which i couldn't remember but nevermind).

We chatted for a bit and then in a stunning display of doing THE TOTAL OPPOSITE of what i think i should do (which is what i normally do and hate myself for) i said something along the lines of:

<Me> "Would you like a drink?"

<Her> "Yes"

<Me> "I've got beer/vodka back at my flat do you just want to get one there?"

I mean i was quite impressed with myself.

More-so when she said "yes".



"Bish Bash Bosh" out the front of the club into a taxi and away we went.



Now i get back to my flat at about 1am.

I get her her a drink which is soon put aside and we start "kissing".

Anyways she decides she wants to go to her flat (me with her).

This posed a problem.

I had 3 friends who were to stay with me that night and i had the only key to the flat.

The girl keeps on going "Common. Common. Lets just go. Screw your friends."

I keep on saying "I've locked my friends out once (when they were supposed to be staying with me) and the fall out from that was bad enough i'm not about to do it again"

She urges me to get them to hurry up.

I borrow her mobile (incomming calls on my landline only and i ****ING HATE mobiles so i dont own one) and call one of my friends telling him in short to "Get his ****ing skates on and get the **** back to the flat now".



At about 02:45 my friends arrive back at my flat.

1 minute later (after leaving instructions that my sisters room is off limits) and receiving some good natured abuse from my friends me and the girl leave the flat.

On the way out the door they tell her i have herpes.

Ohhhhhhh how i laughed that one off.

My friends are REAL comedians.



Anyways we get back to her place.

We talk to one of her flatm8s for a wee while.

We go to her room.



Now i must reitterate that it was my birthday.

I'd had alot to drink.

ALOT to drink.

Drink including Tennents Super (i wouldn't recommend it ... my comedic chums again) and Scrumpy Jack (see previous warning).

I was very, very drunk.



Now i can normally undo a bra strap with one hand.

Not on Tuesday night tho ohhhhhhh no.

On Tuesday night i was a complete mongo (i could sense she was getting pissed off at my failed attempts no matter how many times i told her "I can normally get a bra strap off with one hand").

In the end in sheer frustration she takes her bra off herself.

I start to work on her jeans.

After a ****ing age i eventually get the button undone (one handed again).

"Rankin you GENIUS" i think.

I go to pull down the zipper.

IMAGINE MY DISMAY WHEN I DISCOVER THAT SHE HAS BUTTON UP JEANS!

Have you imagined it yet?

If so we can now move on.

"**** this" thinks i.

Then i realise that without getting her jeans off that's gonna be difficult and with that thought i get depressed.


Anyways I am getting a bit worried about things so i decide it's time for a little of the old "Rankin charm".

"I really like you" says i

She says she likes me too.

"I want our first time to be special" is what i say.

What i'm thinking tho as i say this is "I am completely ****ed (and not in the good way) and i don't want to risk embarrassing myself by failing to perform so to speak".

She says that she wants our first time to be special too.

"Slam dunk. Disaster averted" thinks i.



Now at this point i should probably have mentioned that on her wall the girl had posters (/cards) which said things like:

"The difference between life and men is that life is always hard"

Can you maybe now understand my hesitancy to risk "going all the way"?



Anyways time passes with us in bed.

We grab a couple of hours sleep.

I wake up and after a few peaceful moments i am sent into a blind panic.

"What the **** is her name?"

God damn you alcohol!



Having played everything so cool up until then i carried on in the same vein.

No panicking.

I just shut up and 4 hours later her name was mentioned in conversation.

"Liz"

SLAM DUNK Rankin shoots and scores.



Anyways it was about mid morning (i was still at hers then) when i remembered something rather nasty.

"SHE KNEW MY BROTHER"

Infact it was worse than that.

Phil - My brother

Emma - My brothers gf

Liz - Close friend of Emma

Considering i don't like my family knowing ANYTHING about me this was definately a bad thing (what with the web/link thing).



During the night i had also realised this (the morning "incident" was a re-realisation).

During the night i told her that if were to start dating i thought it would be for the best if we didn't mention it to either my brother or Emma for at least a couple of week you know "Just so there's no pressure on us".

Liz had agreed.



Anyways i got her number and we promised we'd meet again (/go on a date) and i left hers.

I got back to my flat at 12:30ish

At 13:20 i got a phone call from my brother.

"Where did you stay last night eh eh eh?"

"So much for my agreement" thinks i.

Phil tells me that i cant say that he knows as Emma promised him to secrecy.

"Bunch of ****ing ****s" thinks i.



Anyways on Wednesday night i phoned her and long story short we've arranged to go for drinks tomorrow night.

She talked to me for quite a while too which only gives me confidence.

She has also seen me sober (she was sober i still had enough alcohol in my bloodstream to drop an elephant) which also gives me confidence.



Now the date is drawing nearer and i'm getting more worried.

She was "up for it" on Tuesday night so i can only guess that if things go even marginally well tomorrow night i shall be getting my end away.

That's the best case scenario.

Unfortunately the best case scenario fills me with dread.

I have alot of pressure now on my performance notably because:

- I will have had a couple of drinks (tho nowhere near Tuesdays total) which makes things "complicated".

- I said i wanted our first time to be "special" (even if it was an excuse she doesn't know that so i better be good).

- It IS our first time (so i better be good).

- I want to impress her (so i better be good).

- My brothers gf will find out about my performance (so i better be good).

- My brother will find out (via his gf) about my performance (so i better be good).

SO MUCH PRESSURE I THINK MY HEAD WILL EXPLODE!

Also i saw my brother tonight and he tells me he knows me and Liz didn't shag on tuesday and that i'm meeting her for a drink(s) tomorrow night (which makes me even surer that my performance will be rated by people other than myself and Liz).



Anyways that's my little tale.

I hope you enjoyed it.

Rankin

[Phang]

posting because im changing my custom rank dude

[roadrunner_0]

nice, it will be fine mate! trust me! if not, i know someone in liverpool that can get viagra on the cheap

[Dace]

Ohhhhhh I forgot to mention ... one of my brothers friends used to date her (which i don't really like knowing).

I also forgot to mention that when my brother phoned he said:

"That's great news Pete. Now we can go on double dates"

I think he was only joking (well he better be).

[Weeks]

You know what?
I dont think this attention whoring.
I like hearing about other peoples stories.
Esp in this area which interests me.
But it's just not formatted well. So i only read bits.

Anyway congrats on getting it away.

p.s. the last time i was nervous i got it up fine i just couldnt cum. stranage init.

[sayonara]

I just read the bits in bold.

It made no sense.

[roadrunner_0]

on the plus side, you will be getting some, you cant go wrong if you are getting some

[Dace]

BTW adivce wise:

"What should i wear?"

I'm thinking jeans and a top (we're meeting in a pub) but i don't know if this is "allowed" incase she thinks we're going to some nice club (which i don't really want to do but would if i had to).

"What's the usual attire for a first date?"

Somebody with a clue please share it thanks.

[MrL_JaKiri]

I personally have a pair of dark jeans that can be taken for proper trousers in low light for just such an emergency

[KoeN]

Originally Posted by Dace

BTW adivce wise:

"What should i wear?"

I'm thinking jeans and a top (we're meeting in a pub) but i don't know if this is "allowed" incase she thinks we're going to some nice club (which i don't really want to do but would if i had to).

"What's the usual attire for a first date?"

Somebody with a clue please share it thanks.

you just go buttnaked...that would get some attention ^^

[Weeks]

just go in what you want.
take charge.
dont goto a club that wont let you in.
women like men who take charge.
but not too much.
there's a fine balance.

[lokken]

Well Dace I enjoyed your story.

Best of luck in not screwing up.

[Dace]

Originally Posted by MrL_JaKiri

a pair of dark jeans that can be taken for proper trousers in low light

*shudder*

You either go jeans or you go trousers you don't try and go both (ie black jeans*).

It's like you're nod or something.













*fair enough you might not have black jeans but imo jeans should look blue no matter what the lighting.

[MrL_JaKiri]

Originally Posted by Dace

*shudder*

You either go jeans or you go trousers you don't try and go both (ie black jeans*).

It's like you're nod or something.

*fair enough you might not have black jeans but imo jeans should look blue no matter what the lighting.

They are blue. Dark blue though. And dark enough to pass a cursory glance. Assuming the bouncers aren't staring at my legs, although I'd be worried if they were.

[Dace]

Originally Posted by lokken

Well Dace I enjoyed your story.

Best of luck in not screwing up.

Thanks

and

Thanks

[Dace]

Originally Posted by KoeN

you just go buttnaked...that would get some attention ^^

Not the good kind tho :'(

[Dace]

Originally Posted by Weeks

just go in what you want.
take charge.
dont goto a club that wont let you in.
women like men who take charge.
but not too much.
there's a fine balance.

We're meeting in a pub she likes (well she likes drinking in that area).

I choose the pub.

IT IS SUCH A COINCIDENCE THAT I KNOW THE OWNER OF THE PUB* ISNT IT?!













*friend of best m8 who i have been drinking with on a few occasions and who sometimes gives me drinks on the house when i go into his place \o/ (if it happens again with the girl there im hoping that me being the well connected cat that i am it will impress her).

[meglamaniac]

/me awaits outcome with interest

Better than Easties, this is...

[lokken]

damn rite

[Thorn]

How does Dace expect to get into a club with an eleven year old?

[lokken]

good point

[Dante Hicks]

Was a good story. Hope you do well.

As you're going to a pub, buy all the drinks and make hers extremley strong ones (double vodka + whatever) while keep your drinking light. That way she'll be too hammered to remember what the hell you were like in bed, and you can exaggerate your feats.

Oh, and couldn't you have left the key to your flat under the mat or something like that?

p.s. A very similar incident happened to me last week but I didn't handle it nearly as well, and instead of coming out with some genius line like "I want our first time to be special" I merely made some rubbish excuse and left, heh. So I completley fecked it up without even getting her number, "lol" as they say.

Still, tonight I swear I met the female London equivalent version of Deffeh. I started talking with her and doing the whole dancing too closely thing. Then the music changed (to some crap, I can't recall) and she gave me a 5 minute rant about why it was rubbish. And then a rant to why people were rubbish in the club, etc, etc. Through the brain damage this forum has given me, I instantly thought "OMG, this is the female Deffeh".

Changing the subject I asked "So, what do you do?"

"Oh, I study English at university."

"Oh, f*ck."

[Dante Hicks]

Originally Posted by Flavius

ps: why must you drink? this is something i really dont get

Because otherwise you realise how awful life is, especially going out to clubs and the like.

[Thorn]

Originally Posted by Flavius

oh ?

I never noticed that you must get completely trashed in order to enjoy the night life.

Only attention whores need to

[Knight Theamion]

\o/

go dace, go dace!

nice going rankin', i am off to hockey and then a quick pitstop at the missus.

[Evergreen]

I'm amused peter is concerned about his sexual performance.

Makes me wonder if he's regrown his virginity.

[Embroglio]

Rankin, you're a genius.

[Ragnarak]

Originally Posted by Evergreen

I'm amused peter is concerned about his sexual performance.

Makes me wonder if he's regrown his virginity.

How's the mail-order bride doing? Or was that a vicious rumour started by Nod?

Oh and Dace

[Evergreen]

Pfft, I could be crude and said I sent her back cause she's faulty, but after successfully tolerating me for a year in sunny scotland she's bringing me back to Canada. She's over there now trying to set up a full-time job for herself and a flat for us in canada. I should be heading over on the 24th of this month.

This is the umpteenth time I've been asked though :P

[Jennifer]

Originally Posted by Dante Hicks

As you're going to a pub, buy all the drinks and make hers extremley strong ones (double vodka + whatever) while keep your drinking light. That way she'll be too hammered to remember what the hell you were like in bed, and you can exaggerate your feats.

Technically, that's rape. But ignoring that little point, she really won't appreciate that the morning after, and you can be sure that even if you were a GOD in bed, the brother and brother's girlfriend and the rest of the planet will be sure to hear to the contrary. Which kind of defeats the object, no?

My advice - if you're taking a girl out somewhere, don't just take her to a club, buy her drinks and take her home for a shag. This may come as something of a shock, but from the girl's point of view good sex does not constitute a good date. And semi-poor sex is occasionally excused if it is preceeded by good entertainment. As far as she's concerned, she can go out clubbing with her mates anytime, and probably have a better time than if she's out with some guy she doesn't know all that well.

As for what to wear. Doesn't matter really. As long as it's clean and as long as it's 'you'. And isn't going to get in the way of what you're going to do that evening prior to taking her home for a shag. You do know that she might not be expecting you to attempt to get her in bed? If you gave her all the crap about it 'being special' last time, then she prolly thinks you're going to be dating for several months first. Just because she seemed ready and willing last time, doesn't mean she's up for it. She's prolly tihnking you're some sort of 'perfect guy' who didn't take advantage of her when she was drunk. If you try it on this time, you'll probably screw up your chances forever. You have only yourself to blame. Heh.

[Dante Hicks]

Originally Posted by Jennifer

Technically, that's rape.

How is someone being drunk during sex rape? Are you working from a different defintion from the rest of us? Note I didn't say "Get her drunk to the point where consent is meaningless" otherwise you'd have a point.

I can't speak for anyone else, but my memory is affected by alcohol WAY before my decision making process is seriously impaired. YMMV obviously.

[meglamaniac]

What Dante said.

[Evergreen]

I think that's how she is coping with the post-traumatic memories of being nobbed by gordon.

[Deffeh]

Originally Posted by lokken

Well Dace I enjoyed your story.

Best of luck in not screwing up.

Also, do you know someone called Scott McGhee? Hes 18 or 19 i think, from dunblane

[Jennifer]

Someone who is under the influence of alcohol is incapable of giving consent.

[MrL_JaKiri]

Originally Posted by Jennifer

Someone who is under the influence of alcohol is incapable of giving consent.

However, if they gave prior consent when not under the influence, and wouldn't challenge it if they weren't, and won't make a thing of it when they're not, I somehow think THIS IS A POINTLESS ARGUMENT.

[Dante Hicks]

Originally Posted by Jennifer

Someone who is under the influence of alcohol is incapable of giving consent.

One can be said to be under the influence of alcohol if you have one beer. Consent is a tricky thing to define in a range of scenarios, but I think most people would say that you can still consent under a reasonable amount of alcohol.

If we are saying that anyone who has sex with anyone else who had even the smallest amount of alcohol in their bloodstream is a rapist, this is fine, but utterly devalues the term rape.

[Jennifer]

1/ She hasn't given prior consent.
2/ Even if she did, taking away her ability to change her mind when it's about to happen (ie: when she may well decide she doesn't want to) is rape.
3/ If doesn't matter if she doesn't make a fuss about it afterwards, it's still rape.

But in any case, regardless of what's legal and what's not, I can guarantee she will not be a happy bunny if you get her pissed and shag her.

[meglamaniac]

[rant]
Jenny for the love of god, get a grip.
How do you think that argument would make anyone who's ever REALLY been raped feel? I mean someone jumped on in a dark alley on the way home, clubbed about a bit to shut them up, and then forced?
For ****'s sake he's going out with her for the second time, and unless she's unbelievably incredibly stupid she'll know full well what the intention at the end of the night is, especially after the first time.

I'm sorry, but women like you pulling this argument (and yes, in the vast majority of cases it is women who do this) not only devalues the term as dante said, it's an insult to anyone who's been through the real horror of rape.
To me it's as bad, if not worse, as pulling the "race card".

Grow up.
[/rant]

As an aside, Dace will also be consuming alcohol.
OH MY GOD OH MY GOD SHE'S A DIRTY FILTHY SLAG OF A RAPIST HE DIDN'T GIVE HER CONSENT EITHER OMGOMGOMG IN FACT WHY NOT WASTE HIDEOUS AMMOUNTS OF POLICE TIME TRYING TO LOCK THEM BOTH UP?!?!?!

Do you see why your argument is stupid yet?

[Jennifer]

It depends entirely on the individual.

I suspect my ability to make decisions would be impaired after a single glass of anything alcoholic, because I never drink alcohol.

Some poeple might be perfectly capable of making decisions after a night of non-stop drinking.

It's just like some 15 year olds might be perfectly capable of deciding they want to sleep with their 16 year old boyfriend. It's a technicality, but it's still there.

And yes, you're quite right - you *can't* speak for anyone else. And yes it is difficult to decide when someone's judgement is impaired, so I suggest you stop shagging drunk people.

[MrL_JaKiri]

Originally Posted by Jennifer

1/ She hasn't given prior consent.
2/ Even if she did, taking away her ability to change her mind when it's about to happen (ie: when she may well decide she doesn't want to) is rape.
3/ If doesn't matter if she doesn't make a fuss about it afterwards, it's still rape.

But in any case, regardless of what's legal and what's not, I can guarantee she will not be a happy bunny if you get her pissed and shag her.

That's like getting annoyed because charities are stealing from people when they accept donations.

[meglamaniac]

Everyone, Dace's date is going to rape him!

[Dante Hicks]

Originally Posted by Jennifer

It depends entirely on the individual.

This is absolutley correct, but there are some people who cannot consent meaningfully irrespective of age or alcohol consumption.

Quite clearly it's up for the individual as a moral agent to judge appropriately with regards to alcohol / age / general capability (which is why I favour abolishing the agent of consent, but that's another thread). There's also other factors. I met a girl in a club who seemed fairly down, so I started talking to her. Turns out her best-friend had killed herself or something recently and she was understandably upset. Now, quite clearly trying to get her into bed (she was sober) after learning this would seem a bit "off".

Once again, it's about reasonableness. If we're going to use the argument "Well, some people can't make decisions after one glass of wine, so never have sex with anyone after one wine!" then we may as well extend it to "Well, some people can't ever meaningfully give consent, so never have sex!".

An off-topic example : On Thursday at work I was dealing with trying to get some woman to pay her rent (or she was going to be evicted). We had tried to get hold of them for yonks, and she never seemed to care. Finally I spoke to her, but she seemed utterly disinterested about her pending loss of home. I eventually managed to speak to someone at social services who explained she has a mental age of 11 (she was about 40 from memory). Clearly this individual could never realistically give consent, but she lived in the community as normal and it might not be obvious from looking at her that she was retarded.

[Jennifer]

Right back at you. How do you suppose what you are saying would make someone who has really been raped feel? Someone who has sex with someone who is under the influence of alcohol *has* raped them. Just because it's someone you know, just because you didn't cry out for help, just because you asked your rapist to wear a condom, just because you're married to the rapist, just because you chose to get drunk, it doesn't make it 'ok'. Yes it's a difficult judgement call. But this is not the same as someone sleeping with someone and deciding later it was a bad idea. If they did that, then they made the wrong decidion, and that's their tough shit. But if someone's ability to make a judgement call on whether or not to sleep with someone is impaired, then it's rape. Ok, you might get someone who has had a little and it doesn't affect their abliity to make the decision. If they then decide afterwards that they made the wrong choice and they pretend the alcohol affected their judgement they are basically doing the same thing as someone who consented but later pretended that they didn't. Tbh, I think that what is actually rape and what the law says is rape are two slightly different things because you can't say how much someone needs to drink before they can't make decisions. But if it does affect their ability to decide then it is rape.

[MrL_JaKiri]

Originally Posted by meglamaniac

[rant]
Jenny for the love of god, get a grip.
How do you think that argument would make anyone who's ever REALLY been raped feel? I mean someone jumped on in a dark alley on the way home, clubbed about a bit to shut them up, and then forced?
For ****'s sake he's going out with her for the second time, and unless she's unbelievably incredibly stupid she'll know full well what the intention at the end of the night is, especially after the first time.

I'm sorry, but women like you pulling this argument (and yes, in the vast majority of cases it is women who do this) not only devalues the term as dante said, it's an insult to anyone who's been through the real horror of rape.
To me it's as bad, if not worse, as pulling the "race card".

Grow up.
[/rant]

As an aside, Dace will also be consuming alcohol.
OH MY GOD OH MY GOD SHE'S A DIRTY FILTHY SLAG OF A RAPIST HE DIDN'T GIVE HER CONSENT EITHER OMGOMGOMG IN FACT WHY NOT WASTE HIDEOUS AMMOUNTS OF POLICE TIME TRYING TO LOCK THEM BOTH UP?!?!?!

Do you see why your argument is stupid yet?

[Jennifer]

We should just ban alcohol tbh.

[Dante Hicks]

Originally Posted by Jennifer

We should just ban alcohol tbh.

Finally someone's being reasonable.

[Jennifer]

(Yes, the law is stupid on that matter.)

(I still think that it's wrong to sleep with someone if they can't judge for themselves if they want to sleep with you, and that anyone who plans on sleeping with someone who is drunk should watch their step.)

[Dante Hicks]

To be honest, anyone who sleeps with anyone should watch their step, especially if it's someone they only met (properly) a week ago.