A funny* joke

[ELeeming]

*not a guarentee

In class one morning, the teacher askes her class, "Name some animals that people use for transport."

So young Billy puts his hand up and says "Please miss, a horse."

"Well done," says the teacher.

Then young Annie puts her hand up and says "Please miss, an elephant."

"Yes, Annie, well done," says the teacher.

Then little Jimmy stands up and says, "Miss, some folk use Naverages."

The teacher looks puzzled. "There's no such animal, Jimmy," she says.

"Aye, there is miss. My brother's in Australia, and he says he gets a ride on a Naverage twice a week."

[Muslim]

EXPLAIN IT TO NON ENGLISH SPEAKERS PLEASE

[ELeeming]

Originally posted by Muslim
EXPLAIN IT TO NON ENGLISH SPEAKERS PLEASE

LERN ENGLISH YOU FOREIGN TERRORIST.

Originally posted by Muslim
EXPLAIN IT TO NON ENGLISH SPEAKERS PLEASE

Lo Shai!

How did the girl-thing work out? The one with the 'Mom-approved shag' cards?

Originally posted by ELeeming
LERN ENGLISH YOU FOREIGN TERRORIST.

I speak the language, yet i didn't uderstand it either

=\

[Muslim]

Originally posted by Ðiscorporation
I speak the language, yet i didn't uderstand it either

=\

I REST MY CASE

[ELeeming]

Originally posted by Ðiscorporation
I speak the language, yet i didn't uderstand it either

=\

A Naverage = an average.

jeez.

Originally posted by ELeeming
A Naverage = an average.

jeez.

Then it wasn't funny!
Joking with Ozzies is a big fat no-no anyway.

They suffer enough with that Orwin fellow running amok

[Nicole]

Same concept, but I liked this one better:



A third grade teacher asked her students to use the word: fascinate in a sentence.

Molly said. "My family went to the New York City Zoo and we saw all them animals. It was fascinating."

The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted you to use the word "fascinate."

Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to the Statue of Liberty and I was fascinated."

The teacher said, "well that was good Sally, but I want the word "fascinate".

Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because Little Johnny was noted for his bad language. She finally decided that there was no way he could damage the word "fascinate", so she called on him.

Little Johnny said, " My sister has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big, she can only fasten eight."

[MrL_JaKiri]

The ark lands after The Flood. Noah lets all the animals out. Says,
"Go and multiply." Several months pass. Noah decides to check up on the
animals. All are doing fine except a pair of snakes. "What's the problem?"
says Noah. "Cut down some trees and let us live there", say the snakes.
Noah follows their advice. Several more weeks pass. Noah checks on the
snakes again. Lots of little snakes, everybody is happy. Noah asks,
"Want to tell me how the trees helped?" "Certainly", say the snakes.
"We're adders, and we need logs to multiply."

[ELeeming]

Originally posted by MrL_JaKiri
The ark lands after The Flood. Noah lets all the animals out. Says,
"Go and multiply." Several months pass. Noah decides to check up on the
animals. All are doing fine except a pair of snakes. "What's the problem?"
says Noah. "Cut down some trees and let us live there", say the snakes.
Noah follows their advice. Several more weeks pass. Noah checks on the
snakes again. Lots of little snakes, everybody is happy. Noah asks,
"Want to tell me how the trees helped?" "Certainly", say the snakes.
"We're adders, and we need logs to multiply."

jesus christ.

[Ragnarak]

Originally posted by MrL_JaKiri
The ark lands after The Flood. Noah lets all the animals out. Says,
"Go and multiply." Several months pass. Noah decides to check up on the
animals. All are doing fine except a pair of snakes. "What's the problem?"
says Noah. "Cut down some trees and let us live there", say the snakes.
Noah follows their advice. Several more weeks pass. Noah checks on the
snakes again. Lots of little snakes, everybody is happy. Noah asks,
"Want to tell me how the trees helped?" "Certainly", say the snakes.
"We're adders, and we need logs to multiply."

'heh'

[Gayle29uk]

Elephant Hunting
A handy reference guide ...


A PROGRAMMER:
Begins at the tip of South Africa;
Performs alternating west to east and east to west searches;
Decrements the latitude argument in a non-integer sequence between each search;
Finds an animal;
Compares found animal to a known elephant;
If found animal matches known elephant terminates search else resumes at 3;
End;

AN EXPERIENCED PROGRAMMER:
Places an elephant in Cairo, Egypt to ensure that the search will terminate properly before initiating the above.

AN ASSEMBLY LANGUAGE PROGRAMMER:
Will perform the same search on hands and knees. Or more precisely

Sets up registers in prolog
Pipelines search operations
Unrolls latitude loop until elephant found then goto's end
In this way the programmer has optimised the use of resources and made the code so unreadable that he has ensured his future employment ... at the same time he will state that this implementation, because it is written in software rather than hardware, will be easier to develop and maintain.

A MATHEMATICIAN:
Will first develop a hypothesis supporting the existence of a unique elephant before proceeding with the search as a subordinate operation, collecting all animals found, testing them against the hypothesis and discarding all that don't fit.

A PROFESSOR OF MATHEMATICS:
Will first develop a hypothesis supporting the existence of a unique elephant before sending his/her students on the search, requiring that they collect all animals found, test them against the hypothesis, and bring all matching animals to him for publication.

AN ENGINEER:
After determining that an elephant is mammal, grey and weighs 3.628739*103 Kg, will begin the search collecting all grey mammals. When the sum of the weight of all the collected grey mammals equals the specified weight of an elephant, +/- 10%, the search will be terminated.

TRICKLE-DOWN ECONOMISTS:
Don't hunt elephants. They believe that if you give the elephants a small tax incentive, they will hunt themselves.

STATISTICIANS:
Hunt the first animal they encounter n times and call it an elephant.

CONSULTANTS:
Don't actually hunt elephants and indeed may never have hunted elephants, but they can be hired at great expense by the hour, plus expenses, of course, to advise those who do. This will include the time it takes to find out what an elephant is.

POLITICIANS:
Don't hunt elephants but will share any elephants YOU catch with the people who voted for them.

LAWYERS:
Don't hunt elephants, but they do follow herds around arguing about who owns the dung.

SOFTWARE LAWYERS:
Will claim that they know who owns the entire herd based on the look and feel of one pile of dung.

CEO's:
May try to hunt elephants but their staffs are designed to prevent it. When the CEO does get to hunt elephants, the staff will try to ensure that all possible elephants are completely pre-hunted before the CEO sees them. If the CEO does see a non-pre-hunted elephant, the staff will:

Compliment the CEO's keen eyesight, and ...
Enlarge itself to prevent any recurrence.

SENIOR MANAGEMENT:
Sets broad elephant hunting policies based on the assumption that elephants are just like big field mice, but with deeper voices.

QUALITY ASSURANCE STAFF:
Ignore the elephants and spend their time looking for mistakes the hunters made while packing the jeep.

SALES STAFF:
Don't hunt elephants but spend their time selling elephants the hunters haven't caught yet, and promising delivery two days before the opening of elephant hunting season.

SOFTWARE SALES STAFF:
Ship the first thing they catch, write up an invoice for an elephant, modify the documentation to match and promise a real elephant at the next update.

HARDWARE SALES STAFF:
Catch rabbits, paint them grey and sell them as lap top elephants.

MBAs:
Only hunt elephants they can see from where they're standing.

TECHNICAL INSTRUCTORS:
Are familiar with all of the above techniques but insist that at least the first half of the Elephant hunting season is spent practising the correct hunting methods on simulated elephants.