Planetarion Forums

Mong · 1 Jul 2003, 15:55

Well, after seeing some fairly decent advice (and only one trolling!) for Flavius, I guess I should ask you lot (esp the girlies (no, not you Dace!)) what you think...

*** Brief history ***

See, I met this girl at uni about 5 years ago, we hit it off really well, but she was like ubercool and cute etc, and I wondered if I was being too optimistic. But we really hit it off great, so I was gonna ask her out.

Then I was in hospital with a broken jaw and off Uni for months, then I went to live in México (where I met another girl and eventually got engaged!)

In 2001 I came back to the UK (and at the end split with the mexican). Throughout the time I was in Mexico I kept in touch with the girl from Uni, as really good mates.

*** End ***

So, my problem... we've recently started seeing each other a hell of a lot, often going out as just the two of us. She split with her boyf of 3 years a couple of months ago (is she over him?). She's always saying she finds me amusing/intelligent/fun/etc (me?!). So I dunno if she fancies me or not. I mean she's made several comments that I've interpretted as "I fancy you", but ofc I'm old enough to know that maybe my brain is hearing what it wants to hear :-)

For example, she didn't even tell me (about 6 months ago) that she'd got back with her (now ex) boyf. She never even mentioned him ONCE during the last year or so. Now she keeps making a point of saying "Paul (my ex) was crap/boring/blah"

But does she fancy me? I reeeally fancy her. But I worry that if I try for anything other than friendship, she'll think that I'm only her mate cos I want to shag her! (Which is not true).

So what should I do? Current plan is to just take her out for a coffee or beer and just sit down and tell her how I feel. But my mate says to get drunk together and go for the goal ;-) He claims that's what he did with girlf (who was a friend at the time), and it turned out fine. She's staying at mine tomorrow - I'm cooking dinner and then we're going to our monthly writer's club. So I think I'll speak to her tomorrow after the meeting...

It's doing my head in, as you can tell.

Advice?

M.

mpr0733 · 1 Jul 2003, 16:00

Send her a copy of this rant through email.

Radical Edward · 1 Jul 2003, 16:01

don't go for the goal, unless that is the kind of relationship you want.... ask yourself what you do want... something serious, or just somewhere to store the sausage at the end of the day?

Structural Integrity · 1 Jul 2003, 16:02

love doesn't happen in one moment...

it grows over time...

Mong · 1 Jul 2003, 16:03

Quote:

Originally posted by mpr0733
Send her a copy of this rant through email.

I'm not sure that's gonna help. In my experience, face-to-face is best. That said, I'm an ugly bastard, so...

M.

Mong · 1 Jul 2003, 16:03

Quote:

Originally posted by Structural Integrity
love doesn't happen in one moment...

it grows over time...

Over 5 years?!

M.

Embroglio · 1 Jul 2003, 16:12

You could sit around wondering, waiting for her to get bored of you and find another guy, or you could ask her and find out.

Structural Integrity · 1 Jul 2003, 16:14

Quote:

Originally posted by Mong
Over 5 years?!

M.

OK... that's a tad long...

But still, I don't think that confronting her with that directly is the best approach (hey... perhaps it is... experience lacks me here)

Do it like they do in teh movies... take her up to a romantic place... like a grass field by the river... then watch clouds together... make sure you bring the picknick basket. Make it really cozy
Then when you had fun watching clouds and stuff take her back home... carry her up the stairs (don't bump her head... you don't want to turn it into a comedy movie) and then you make hot steaming luuuuuurve until the morning breaks.

hmmmm.... perhaps I watch too many movies....

Mong · 1 Jul 2003, 16:16

I live in manchester, all the clouds are rainclouds. Plus I'm out of practice, so the night-long lovin' would be about 5 minutes in reality

But yeah (to whoever said it) I guess the worry is that she'll find some other fella now...

We send about 10 txts per day and talk for hours on the phone (she's in Liverpool).

Hohum...

P.

Radical Edward · 1 Jul 2003, 16:32

Quote:

Originally posted by Mong
We send about 10 txts per day and talk for hours on the phone (she's in Liverpool).

Hohum...

P.

you are in denial, she loves you.

Embroglio · 1 Jul 2003, 16:37

Quote:

Originally posted by Mong
P.

Man, he is fargone.

Dante Hicks · 1 Jul 2003, 16:38

Go for it.

Since you sound like all geeks (i.e. socially akward, shy, a pussy, etc) you should use alcohol as some kind of social lubricant. You don't necessarily have to try and screw her, but I presume once you've laid on the moves you'll be fine.

If she acts horrified obviously you've destroyed the friendship forever, but just say you couldn't risk not, blah, blah, blah.

NEWSBOT3 · 1 Jul 2003, 16:42

Quote:

Originally posted by Mong
I live in manchester, all the clouds are rainclouds. Plus I'm out of practice, so the night-long lovin' would be about 5 minutes in reality

But yeah (to whoever said it) I guess the worry is that she'll find some other fella now...

We send about 10 txts per day and talk for hours on the phone (she's in Liverpool).

Hohum...

P.

ok, re-read everything in this thread. cos to me it looks like your already in a relationship you just are both afraid the other person doesnt feel the same way.

talk to her, get it on. (and then get back here and tell us the results)

Embroglio · 1 Jul 2003, 16:44

She'll steal your heart.

[/scouse joke.]

JammyJim · 1 Jul 2003, 16:49

ask her out somewhere but make it 'different' from normal dates. take her some place nice. make sure you pay the bill. then take her home. drop her off and kiss her goodnight. see how she reacts. make it a proper date and make sure she knows it.

altho the 'drunken' idea sounds great and even if it 'does goto plan' and you do end up kissing hugging etc etc you may find the next day increadibly difficult because neither of you are sure if it was the drink talking or not.

incidently
altho this may sound rather crap

http://www.askmen.com

is a rather ace site for this kind of advice.
Plus it has some rather other rather ace columns and advice for men on various stuff.

Nusselt · 1 Jul 2003, 16:52

i thought mong was engaged?

Embroglio · 1 Jul 2003, 16:53

Quote:

Originally posted by Nusselt
i thought mong was engaged?

See: First post.

roadrunner_0 · 1 Jul 2003, 17:06

whatever you do, dont go for it then wuss out at the last second, (and trust me on this one, i really do know from experience) as you will just seem both indecisive and possibly even put the girl off

to me, it sounds like you should go for it however, as it seems you get on really well together from the way you are talking.

Nusselt · 1 Jul 2003, 17:09

Quote:

Originally posted by Embroglio
See: First post.

yeah i know but it wasnt that long ago that i think it was jakiri posted pics or something of somene getting engaged in new york. Or was that someone else.

EDIT

fck me i just realised that was dm wasnt it, hes old right?? whereas mong is the cross dresser?

LHC · 1 Jul 2003, 17:24

Quote:

Originally posted by JammyJim

incidently
altho this may sound rather crap

http://www.askmen.com

is a rather ace site for this kind of advice.
Plus it has some rather other rather ace columns and advice for men on various stuff.

it also features hot girls

Deffeh · 1 Jul 2003, 17:40

you covered all the bases in your first post really. You are too smart not to sit her down with a coffee (or a beer, but probably a coffee) and tell her how you feel.

You never know, it could be one of those movie moments we all dream of.

Muslim · 1 Jul 2003, 17:43

you are doing the same **** as I do?
I started a trend!!!1111223!!!!

MrL_JaKiri · 1 Jul 2003, 17:45

Quote:

Originally posted by Muslim
you are doing the same **** as I do?
I started a trend!!!1111223!!!!

God help us.

Muslim · 1 Jul 2003, 17:53

now that ive read all this sheteh i tell you
you are just like me!
And there's a million of us just like me
who cuss like me; who just don't give a **** like me
who dress like me; walk, talk and act like me
and just might be the next best thing but not quite me!

anyways matey
my advice is that you tell her how you feel right away, becouse when one of the two likes the other more then what one is liked, its sure trouble. you are going to lose it sooner or later. you can either tell her about your feelings, or stop talking/seeing her. Other than this you will ruin the relationship

I have a load of exp on this. trust me, there is no other way out

Muslim · 1 Jul 2003, 18:03

Quote:

Originally posted by Flavius
i believe what separates me, mong and the rest of the human population from you is that most of us actually touched the opposite sex

i made out a lot with weedgirl and some other chicks

Muslim · 1 Jul 2003, 18:06

Quote:

Originally posted by Flavius
im also waiting for someone to come out, quoting u on this and going 'ROFLTOMATOANDOTHERASSORTEDVEGETABLES!!!!1111222333FOURFOURFIFTY-FIVE K THX BYE'

i touched girls asses in school (at the age of 12-13)

that doesnt exactly give me experience in the subject

you farted on the face of someone who was holding your legs for abs!
voce nao tem o direito de falar nada cara!

Muslim · 1 Jul 2003, 18:06

Quote:

Originally posted by Flavius
im also waiting for someone to come out, quoting u on this and going 'ROFLTOMATOANDOTHERASSORTEDVEGETABLES!!!!1111222333FOURFOURFIFTY-FIVE K THX BYE'

i touched girls asses in school (at the age of 12-13)

that doesnt exactly give me experience in the subject

the exp I was referring to was on the matter "liking girls who are friends"

1 Jul 2003, 18:26

My fking god! Closing my anti whining thread and leaving this piss open. You should be ashamed of yourselfs...

Structural Integrity · 1 Jul 2003, 18:27

Quote:

Originally posted by BarbieKen
My fking god! Closing my anti whining thread and leaving this piss open. You should be ashamed of yourselfs...

It's the stupid screen name.... for sure...

Woof · 1 Jul 2003, 19:18

Go for it.
I wouldn't do the getting her drunk bit though. If anything was to happen then you'd both be thinking, was it due to the beer or was it actually sincere?

I like what JJ said.
Do something different so she knows it's not just one of your normal 'friend' dates.
And somehow work some magic trickery and get it on.

I messed up a few weeks ago (here) and would jump at another chance, but i aint gonna get it.

As Boo Hewerdine says - "You only get one chance so take it, or spend your whole life learning to fake it"

I wish i had taken his advice

queball · 1 Jul 2003, 19:21

Quote:

Originally posted by Mong

...

(is she over him?).

No.

Quote:

She's always saying she finds me amusing/intelligent/fun/etc (me?!). So I dunno if she fancies me or not. I mean she's made several comments that I've interpretted as "I fancy you", but ofc I'm old enough to know that maybe my brain is hearing what it wants to hear :-)

She is artifically and subtley trying to attract your attention but doesn't fancy you.

Quote:

For example, she didn't even tell me (about 6 months ago) that she'd got back with her (now ex) boyf. She never even mentioned him ONCE during the last year or so. Now she keeps making a point of saying "Paul (my ex) was crap/boring/blah"

This shows that she is thinking about him a lot.

Quote:

But does she fancy me? I reeeally fancy her. But I worry that if I try for anything other than friendship, she'll think that I'm only her mate cos I want to shag her! (Which is not true).

She knows exactly what you feel without being told through female intuition. She is secretly playing with you.

Quote:

So what should I do? Current plan is to just take her out for a coffee or beer and just sit down and tell her how I feel. But my mate says to get drunk together and go for the goal ;-) He claims that's what he did with girlf (who was a friend at the time), and it turned out fine. She's staying at mine tomorrow - I'm cooking dinner and then we're going to our monthly writer's club. So I think I'll speak to her tomorrow after the meeting...

It's doing my head in, as you can tell.

Advice?

M.

Go for it. She clearly wants closure in the long-term part of her ego (which you are associated with). However she isn't interested in anything more than sex.

I am a trained psychologist. HTH.

JammyJim · 1 Jul 2003, 19:38

Quote:

Originally posted by Muslim
i made out a lot with weedgirl and some other chicks

i cannot believe the irony of muslim giving advice
i mean

ROTFLMAOLOLZERSROFFLERAGERAAGE5522OWNZORZYUOSALL!"!"£!"£!$$234123123

anyhoo.

Knowledge of females does not come about from brief messy kissing encounters in smokey rooms or back seats of cars. From what you post here its clear you havnt been in a 'proper' relationship and have serious "issues" when it comes to the opposite sex.

(both attracting them, talking to them etc etc)

while your advice of 'telling her right away' may seem 'aces' to you when you think about it it isnt quite as easy as you make out.
Telling someone you are 'best friends' with that you love them can go two ways.

Either a) they tell you they feel the same - happy hapy joy joy
or

b) they dont and you and they feel awkward changing your 'best friends' relationship into something completely different.

You always run the risk of ruining what you already have...

SO

http://www.askmen.com/dating/heidi/heidi14.html

Read
Learn
Profit

Snurx · 1 Jul 2003, 19:50

I was in the same situation a while ago. (Exept that the girl had broken up whit a boy that she had only been together whit for 6 months, we were 16, so thats long in that period)

It went like ****, and i lost one of my best friends, beacause i ramblede it all out while drunk and making a mess. DONT do that.
Talk to her. Really, its better to get a no, have a heartbreak and getting over it while still keeping contact, if she's a very good friend. Talk to her while sober, in a nice, comfy place. Not like me, on the bus, drunk as hell, and just blurting it out.
It did not work out.

Muslim · 1 Jul 2003, 19:53

Quote:

Originally posted by JammyJim
blah blah blahuahthajuajoua

http://www.askmen.com/dating/heidi/heidi14.html

Read
Learn
Profit

this article is crap
everyone know that
my theory on girls who are friends=> gilrfriends is much more sophisticated

Muslim · 1 Jul 2003, 19:54

Quote:

Originally posted by Snurx
I was in the same situation a while ago. (Exept that the girl had broken up whit a boy that she had only been together whit for 6 months, we were 16, so thats long in that period)

It went like ****, and i lost one of my best friends, beacause i ramblede it all out while drunk and making a mess. DONT do that.
Talk to her. Really, its better to get a no, have a heartbreak and getting over it while still keeping contact, if she's a very good friend. Talk to her while sober, in a nice, comfy place. Not like me, on the bus, drunk as hell, and just blurting it out.
It did not work out.

you are not the brightest when it comes to this problems, are you now?

sinnamon xie · 1 Jul 2003, 19:56

Just ask her out fs. She is probably wanting and at least you won't be torturing yourself over it again and again. You will have an answer.

Snurx · 1 Jul 2003, 19:57

Quote:

Originally posted by Muslim
you are not the brightest when it comes to this problems, are you now?

****, getting dissed for luve-skills by Muslim

Anyways, after a bottle of tequila, im not brigth at anything. Thats just me, thought.

Matrim · 1 Jul 2003, 20:01

Ah, women.

They usually don't hand out complements in such a degree as you have described here. So I'd guess she's pretty interested.

Bet you she's already wondering why it's taking you so long to act on it.

Matrim

JammyJim · 1 Jul 2003, 20:03

Quote:

Originally posted by Muslim
this article is crap
everyone know that
my theory on girls who are friends=> gilrfriends is much more sophisticated

muslim
i am going to ask you a question

have u ever gone further than kissing and fumbling around with a girl?

Muslim · 1 Jul 2003, 20:06

Quote:

Originally posted by JammyJim
muslim
i am going to ask you a question

have u ever gone further than kissing and fumbling around with a girl?

no, not realy
BUT i am the master on unrequited love with girls who are friends, and I can spot attitudes that lead to disasters a mile away, when concerns this subject

Mong · 1 Jul 2003, 20:43

Quote:

Originally posted by Muslim
I have a load of exp on this

Carefull mate, you're contradicting yourself

M.

Embroglio · 1 Jul 2003, 20:45

Tell us how it goes anyway Mong.

Mong · 1 Jul 2003, 20:51

Quote:

Originally posted by Embroglio
Tell us how it goes anyway Mong.

If it goes really well, I'll post some pics

Serious though, I think I'll have a chat with her on thursday morning (we're going out tomorrow night). I don't wanna make her uncomfortable cos she's staying at mine tomorrow. So I think I'll speak to her over breakfast (if we're not too hungover)

Cheers!

M.

madi · 1 Jul 2003, 20:55

my best friend is called Andrew
not a day goes by when we dont talk
he is cute and funny and i tell him often that he is gorgeous and i also moan about my current beau
he is funny, and bright and i love him
we have a brief fling thing and got intimate a few years ago but he moved away and i met someone else but we have always kept in touch
he knows everything thing about me and i know everything about him

but i dont want to be with him in a couple way

if i were single i might want to get jiggy though

but i have known him so long i know that we wouldnt work as a couple, he is a perfect friend and cares about me as much as i care about him but he isnt what i need in a partner

thought you might like a different opinion

Muslim · 1 Jul 2003, 20:56

Quote:

Originally posted by Mong
If it goes really well, I'll post some pics

Serious though, I think I'll have a chat with her on thursday morning (we're going out tomorrow night). I don't wanna make her uncomfortable cos she's staying at mine tomorrow. So I think I'll speak to her over breakfast (if we're not too hungover)

Cheers!

M.

good luck mate
tough i never heard good stories on this kind of issue

Woof · 1 Jul 2003, 20:58

Best of luck!

Muslim · 1 Jul 2003, 20:58

Quote:

Originally posted by madi
my best friend is called Andrew
not a day goes by when we dont talk
he is cute and funny and i tell him often that he is gorgeous and i also moan about my current beau
he is funny, and bright and i love him
we have a brief fling thing and got intimate a few years ago but he moved away and i met someone else but we have always kept in touch
he knows everything thing about me and i know everything about him

but i dont want to be with him in a couple way

if i were single i might want to get jiggy though

but i have known him so long i know that we wouldnt work as a couple, he is a perfect friend and cares about me as much as i care about him but he isnt what i need in a partner

thought you might like a different opinion

why do girls always have to be THIS complicated
girls are the root of all evil, I TELL YOU THAT

JammyJim · 1 Jul 2003, 21:01

Quote:

Originally posted by madi
my best friend is called Andrew
not a day goes by when we dont talk
he is cute and funny and i tell him often that he is gorgeous and i also moan about my current beau
he is funny, and bright and i love him
we have a brief fling thing and got intimate a few years ago but he moved away and i met someone else but we have always kept in touch
he knows everything thing about me and i know everything about him

but i dont want to be with him in a couple way

if i were single i might want to get jiggy though

but i have known him so long i know that we wouldnt work as a couple, he is a perfect friend and cares about me as much as i care about him but he isnt what i need in a partner

thought you might like a different opinion

**** buddies?

Muslim · 1 Jul 2003, 21:03

Quote:

Originally posted by Flavius
im still wondering where the hell you found this out from

was it from the text beneath my nickname ?

ive been around since jesus cried, and had his moment of doubt and pain

Muslim · 1 Jul 2003, 21:08

Quote:

Originally posted by Flavius
but that happened in Portugal

from what i know u have never left brazil

are you stalking me ? :ninja:

i used to use irc back in 2001, and 2002....

hehehe they cant mod this now, can they?

Yes we can. Languages other than english aren't allowed.