[Tomkat]

Tom has cancer, we all know that (well you do now if you didn't).

I had a checkup today, as I have chemo on Friday (it's bi-weekly) so it's routine. The last couple of times I've gone it's involved waiting around for over an hour, going in, him asking if I'm ok, me going yes, and him going "super, off you go".

Anyway LAST time he said to me that my scan results had come out very positively, everything was going swimmingly, and I'd be finished very soon (or maybe even sooner than anticipated).

So my dad and I went along today (he comes to the hospital each time with me, I think he likes the time off work) with the expectation of either non-news or good news.

He starts off with this little icebreaker:

"Well how much have you read about your type of lympoma?"

"Not much - there isn't much on it as it's quite rare - that's about all I could find on it"

"Right... well there's a 40% survival rate for the 5 years after treatment"

"You mean 40% survival rate of the cancer?"

"No... of the patient"

Then he immediately changes the subject while I'm pretty much reeling from the news that only FOUR IN TEN PEOPLE SURVIVE THE FIRST FIVE YEARS. Thanks Doc!

After I digest this and blink back these tears that have somehow appeared in my eyes, he goes on to then say that it's difficult to say what will happen as it's so rare, so there isn't much documentation.

He then goes onto say that after my chemo, I won't be able to just go home. I'll probably have to come back into hospital for 2-4 weeks to have a transplant.

Now for some reason he keeps reassuring me that the transplant is perfectly safe, even though I hadn't looked worried or said anything. This immediately GETS me worried and raising my eyebrow.

Oh - another little gem of news - there's a 5% mortality rate for the transplant they want to give me! But I get to choose if I get it. Basically if I don't there's a good chance the cancer will come back (relapse).


So my situation has gone from him saying 2 weeks ago "everything is peachy, this PET scan is better than we hoped for, you'll be done in 6 weeks max" onto "well you might be ok by 6 weeks but even then the chances of relapse are high so we want to give you a stem cell transplant".


Now the thing is - nothing has actually changed. I knew I'd be having 3 more chemos. I knew that I'd probably have to continue with some form of treatment after. That's fine.

It was the way he pitched it. He launched in with the 60% mortality rate figure (which, to be honest, I didn't need to know until they were trying to convince me the transplant is a good idea) and the 5% mortality rate figure, and then told me the good news. Which is completely the wrong way to do it.

It was only after on the train, when I was processing the information, that I realised this. When you're in a doctor's surgery and he's throwing these horrible figures at you (let's face it, 40% is the wrong side of half the population) you aren't going to be listening much after that.


I just wish the NHS would spend a little bit of money training doctors in how to speak to patients. Even as a teacher I know from parents evenings that you cushion them first with some good news before launching in with the worst news imaginable.


So I was a bit cut up about it. I'm ok now - I figured 40% over an entirety of people with my type of lymphoma, over a timespan as large as 5 years, isn't as bad as it initially sounds (thanks doctor!). If you split it down, it could be 20% mortality in the first year, then 10% for each subsequent year. And this also takes into account old people, unfit people, unhealthy people. Etc. So I was a bit upset (and slightly tearful, but was in front of my dad and a bunch of commuters, so had to be manly!) but now I'm ok.


Sorry that this is long and not very interesting for some of you, but I don't have a blog and I needed to get it off my chest. I don't really expect many replies so cheers for letting me vent on here.