Livejournal thread here we go!
I was told I was in CR (Complete Remission - ie: cancer is all gone) about a month ago.
As my form of cancer is extremely rare, they weren't entirely sure what to do as the next step. They could have blasted me with more chemo to reduce the chances of it coming back, but they weren't sure if it'd actually make a difference to the chances. So we agreed it wasn't worth doing (yes, WE agreed - the doctor made me decide what to do
).
Anyway.
So now I have "nothing" to do really (except for a stemcell harvest in the eventuality of it coming back and me needing a stemcell transplant). I just have to sit back and really really hope the cancer doesn't come back.
I've been told there's a 60% chance of it coming back, but this is based on "Mickey Mouse statistics" (the doctor's words) so it could be more or could be less. Noone knows.
This sitting back and waiting/hoping is harder than the chemo in a lot of ways though. At least with the chemo I knew where I stood - "I'm getting rid of cancer!". Now it's like I'm waiting for it to come back
The symptoms of it coming back will be signs of the following:
*My glands going up
*Me losing weight
*Me losing my appetite
*Me being more tired than usual
*Me having a repetitive cough
Now for the last 2-3 weeks I've had a cough and I've been so ****ing scared it's the cancer coming back. If it does come back it won't be straightforward chemo, they'll have to start bringing out the big guns (intensive chemo over a period of days, me being in hospital for weeks).
None of the other symptoms have come up (except maybe my glands, but I don't know what "normal" size is for them so I'm unsure there).
I mentioned it to the doctor and he was like : ohshit : so moved my scan date forward.
So tomorrow I have another PET scan (highly sensitive scan - I think there's only 6 of the scanning machines in the country or something).
I'll be getting the results in a week Wednesday.
I'm so scared. I really really want it to come up negative (ie: no sign of cancer).
I didn't mind people joking about it before, when I had it and I was dealing with it. Now, I'd rather people didn't. I don't want to tempt fate by taking the piss out of it.
I respect "cancer" very much and count myself incredibly lucky for having got rid of it with relative ease. Joking about it was fine to keep me in "high spirits" throughout the treatment (I did it too to stop myself from going into some kind of self-absorbed depression). Now though, I'd rather you guys didn't make jokes about it coming back (bald jokes etc I don't mind - just jokes about it coming back and similar).
Please