[ComradeRob]

Originally Posted by horn

to an extent this is true with health/fitness, but not with beauty

Yes, but beauty is partly dependent on health and fitness (and also partly dependent on attitude). Barring some great physical deformity, most people are capable of making themselves look reasonably attractive, even if we can't all be movie stars or supermodels.

Originally Posted by horn

i've always been pretty interested in this. i hear it a lot from people, particularly those post 30.
the thing is, when people claim to be more "relaxed" or "mellowed", they don't often offer a reason as to why. it's not often i get a rational justification for their change in feelings towards others. they just seem to care less.
then i heard some information about dropping levels of testosterone around the same time and how it has a similar affect of "mellowing" you. i.e. you don't so much overcome or transcend the distaste/disgust you once had for other people as much as you just sort of descend into quietist apathy. i'm not sure how i feel about this in terms of it being desirable or not but it certainly seems a little less edifying than what you're suggesting.

I've no idea what the cause of it is. My best guess is that it's a mixture of physiological stuff (hormones, yes, although I'm not sure that testosterone is the main one; the overall importance of testosterone is greatly exaggerated, partly because of the gender politics involved) and experience. Over-reaction to certain stimuli or situations is something that occurs less as you've had the experience of overcoming (or at least surviving) those situations. I guess that does make life a little less exciting, in the sense that driving is less exciting than riding a rollercoaster; the point being that driving will ultimately get you somewhere.

Perhaps it is somewhat apathetic. I certainly can't summon up the sneering resentment that I used to have towards those I disliked, mostly because I now think that there's good in most people, and that even if there were not, I would not be the best person to judge. I simply avoid those I dislike. I suppose it's worth mentioning that I am pretty laid back generally, so perhaps I'm unusual in that regard. You seemed to be suggesting that this might be a sort of resigned apathy, but it certainly doesn't feel that way to me.

Originally Posted by horn

and i'm guessing it didn't increase the means by which you could achieve these ends? i.e. it increased your personal expectations but not your means to attain them.
this is a recipe for low self-esteem.

Most people are more cursed by low expectations than by inferior intellect or capacity to learn. And even if you were depressed by the success of others, the solution would still be to focus on self-improvement.