[pig]

Somehow I didn't manage to make it.

This has to be one of the most ****ed up nights of my life, all to try and make a party.

So I meet up with this girl. We have a few drinks and decide to go back to hers, I drop off my stuff and well one thing leads to another. Blasto texted me and I realised I had the party to make.

So I told her we were off to a party. I scrubbed up and looked good, I think.

At this point it was about 9pm I was in Ealing Broadway. I jumped on this tube with her and it took her to Oxford Circus, I explained the bar and the party and shit and she knew where it was being a hip cool cat she was. But she wanted to show me this japanese bar in Carnaby Street. It was actually a cool little bar.

Anyway we started some good drinking games and well I get quite drunk. We did what couples do in dark dingy bars and kissed. I then looked at my phone and realised I was running a tad bit late.

So I slap her on her arse and tell her we have to go to soho. So we jump in one of those taxi bike things and it takes us to soho. We get out and she wants one more drink in this other bar. I oblige.

Now my memory starts getting a bit hazy here, but I have had a 2 hour train trip home to try and work out what happened so here goes.

She saw some friends she knew in this bar. I then suggested I go to the party and see her back at hers.

I remember her saying to me my battery is dead how will I call you or something like that, maybe she had no credit. So me being the genius gave her my phone. This was about half 12. I said my goodbyes and headed off looking for this O bar where tomkats bash was being held.

The next bit is quite clear as I almost weed myself. I was walking down quite a dark street puffing on a marlboro light, when two young black men dressed in dark clothes with hoods on came up to me and asked me for the time.

I then ran off like a schoolgirl thinking they were going to rob me. Maybe they were maybe they werent I just dont know.

Where I ran off to is a mystery of sorts, as I lost my direction completly. So I jumped in a cab. Except he took me to a bar called So bar, not O bar, and at this point I was lost. I wasn't even in Soho, it was about 2am.

I then realised I could phone blasto!

But of course I couldn't as I didn't have my phone on me. I then thought of phoning the girl I was with. I then realised I couldn't as I didn't know her number. Me not thinking, I thought I had lost my phone. I had forgotten I gave it to her. If I realised I am sure I could have phoned her, she could have phoned blasto, yadda, yadda, yadda.

Resigned to defeat I realised I had to get back to Ealing Broadway somehow. I managed to make my way to Regent Street and started flagging down taxis. Asking them how much I was told £50-70 for the pleasure of such a journey. I politely told them to **** off.

I knew there was a bus that ran to ealing broadway, a night bus even. But I wasn't sure where to catch it from. I asked people they didn't know for some reason N27 made sense, I headed to the big junction of oxford circus and figured it could be there and through the corner of my eye I see an N27 heading towards me (I think it was N27) regardless it said Ealing Broadway. I jumped on and handed over a ten pound note.

The guy told me to buy a ticket from the machine.

I said I have no change.

He said find some.

So I jumped off and went walking looking for change. In the end I got a fiver and two £1 coins for a tenner. yes I was ripped off but I dont care.

About 30 minutes later the bus comes again. Hoorah, bus etc.

I finally make it back to Ealing Broadway I wasn't sure on the time as I dont wear a watch nor did I have my phone. I vaguely knew where her flat was, but wasn't too sure. Luckily I had written down her flat address on a piece of paper.

I then went to a 24hr shop bought 20 more marlboro lights, two cans of stella and asked the guy. He said it was about a 20 minute walk but his friend could drive me for a tenner. For some reason I agreed. £10 poorer I made it back to her flats, but I forgot which number it was.

I knew it wasn't the top floor, nor the basement or ground floor, but it could have been 1st, 2nd or 3rd with about 4 flats on each floor.

After a good 15 minutes of waking up her neighbours and generally being a fool I hit the jackpot and she let me in.

After all that she was so tired she fell asleep and I didn't even get a blowjob.

Was a really shit night. Never again am I meeting up with females before a party. I feel shit for missing the party, I hope it wasn't as good as I imagine it being.

One more thing, were you flirting with her blasto?

As there are about 5 messages sent to you in the outbox which seem pretty flirty but conviniently the inbox is deleted (Shes not great with technology so probably thought she had hidden them from me) What did she say to you?