[Stew]

Originally Posted by Dante Hicks

I've found being mildly offensive in a jokey sort of sense helps.

"I remember vividly my first day when I first arrived. I was so impressed by the clean cut students, sparkling facilities and wonderful faculty. I was then told I was in the wrong school and this place was the shithole down the road..."

Or something like that. Generally rubbish "in-jokes" are the way to go (e.g. if everyone hates the finance department because they're rubbish, joke at their expense, if a certain class is notoriously bad then mention them, that sort of thing).

Let Dante write your speech for you.