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-   -   Sword's Almanac - 2003 (https://pirate.planetarion.com/showthread.php?t=184506)

sword 29 Dec 2002 11:13

Sword's Almanac - 2003
 
Hah hah - I still here.

JANUARY

Slim Tech officially announce that they will officially announce the start date of round 9 as soon as possible.

The unusually talented Pavil is found dead in an apparent case of suicide. Pavil is found in Birmingham bound by his hands and feet and tied to the back of a Ford Fiesta. Locals residents report seeing the car being driven around the outskirts of the city at high speeds but they fail to call the police when they realise it is Pavil being dragged along behind. Close friend and owner of the Ford Fiesta, Sunday8pm, who discovers Pavils body, reads an apparent suicide note to local reporters - "I am Pavil and I have decided to kill myself because my mate Sunday8pm is better than me".

Yahwe admits to being gay.

Microsoft launch "Windows January" offering a host of exciting new features.


FEBRUARY

The United Nations vetos US plans to Invade Iraq.

Spinner recieves his fist pay check in over three years. A delighted Mrs Spinner admits that the family haven't eaten anything for over two years.

Kurashima announces his intention to retire from comic writing in order to concentrate on growing his beard. A stunned Planetarion community sign a petition calling for him to admit that he actually quit writing comics six months ago.

Microsoft launch "Windows February" offering a host of exciting new features.


MARCH

The US inadvertantly drops fourty two nuclear warheads on the United Nations HQ in New York in what is described as a training mix up. UN secretary General Khoffi Annan survies the blast.

Actress Wyona Ryder is arrested and charged with a spate of car jackings that have shocked and terrified the citizens of California for months.

Oreo launches an online game called "Oreo" to be largely based on the format of an irc channel. Oreo releases a statement that the game "Oreo" will always be free.

Microsoft launch "Windows March" offering a host of exciting new features.


APRIL

UN Secretary General Khoffi Anan is killed by a sniper whilst driving through lower Manhattan in his convertible Mustang.

Police in California announce that the suspects arrested in the case of the Washington sniper are to be released immediately. Miss Wyona Ryder is being charged with all twelve murders in addition to the recent car jackings.

A distraught Mrs Spinner learns that Spinner has invested his first pay check in Oreo's new game, "Oreo".

Microsoft launch "Windows April" offering exciting new features.


MAY

Actor Russel Crowe is arrested by the FBI and charged with the muder of UN Secretary General Khoffi Anan, despite evidence that suggests he was in a London restaraunt at the time of the assasination beating up a waiter.

The popularity of Oreo's game, "Oreo", rockets, with some 180,000 active players.

The ip ban on Shaigar is lifted.

Slim Tech officially announce the launch of Planetarion Round 9 in September 2003.

Microsoft launch "Windows May" offering exciting new features.


JUNE

Well known model Jordan announces plans to give birth to a genetically cloned baby live in Trafalgar Square in July next month.

The Planetarion forums crash under a huge and sustained attack of gimmick spamming accounts. The ip ban on Shaigar is re-introduced.

Everton Teen footbaling sensation Peter Mooney becomes the youngest player ever to score a wonder goal, dribbling from the players changing room, passed the match day security, up the players tunnel, over the advertisment hoardings and along the touch line, running the legth of the pitch, before slotting the ball into an unguarded net from two yards out, half an hour before kick off.

Microsoft launch "Windows June" offering exciting new features.


JULY

Jordan gives birth to a healthy Giraffe with two heads, live in Trafalgar Square.

Actor Russel Crowe is found dead in his prison cell, just hours before taking the stand in the court case for his alledged murder of Khoffi Anan.

Shares in MCI Worldcom rocket after the company announce record profits, despite a slump in sales.

Microsoft launch "Windows July" offering exciting new features.


AUGUST

Marilyn Manson is elected Mayor of Newcastle on a pledge to stop embarrasing the City by dressing as a Goth, sixty years after it went out of fashion.

The US invades Iraq only to discover that in fact the county does not exist afterall.

West Bromwich Albion are crowned as Premiership Champions under new FA rules which invert the league tables at the end of the season.

Microsoft launch "Windows August" offering exciting new features.


SEPTEMBER

Slim Tech officially announce that the start of Planetatrion Round 9 will take place in December 2003, in order to allow for beta testing to be carried out.

The FBI announce that they have captured Osama Bin Laden. Bin Laden is revealed to be Miss Wyona Ryder.

A local resident group of Bangor, North Wales, call for Bangor to be made a separate country in Europe.

Microsoft launch "Windows September" offering exciting new features.


OCTOBER

Nodrog calls for Scottish women to be banned from wearing beards, having woken up one morning after a late night binge to discover that he has inadvertantly shagged Kurashima.

Vampy is arrested in London, having been caught shagging Nelsons Column.

The Planetarion community is stunned when resident troll Ilinuki does not flame a new forum member.

Microsoft launch "Windows October" offering exciting new features.


NOVEMBER

Home Secretary Jack Straw announces a pilot project in the Moss Side, Macnhester, under which muggings will be legalised in order to free up police time.

Andy Gilchrest, leader of the Fire Brigade Union, calls for a two thousand percent pay rise and a two day working week - for Executive members of the FBU.

Microsoft launch "Windows November" offering exciting new features.


DECEMBER

Slim Tech officially announce the the start of Planetarion Round 9 will be delayed until January. No year is specified.

Oreo announces that his game, "Oreo", will migrate to a pay to play model. Jurgen quits "Oreo" in disgust. Two thirds of the playerbase mysteriously disappears.

Microsoft launch "Windows December" offering exciting new features.



UPDATES

GD Almanac - 2003

JANUARY

Belgarath The Sorceror is rushed in to hospital suffering from an itchy groin. He is diagnosed as being a woman and sent home with a tube of Canestan cream to cure his thrush. This does at last explain why he has breasts.


FEBRUARY

Taratang stuns the Planetarion community by creating a thread on GD. However, feelings soon turn to dismay when people read the post.


MARCH

JBOY is sacked by Jammy Jim when it is discovered he has a pulse.


APRIL

Jammy Jim finally admits to being gay and marries Yahwe in a bizarre ceremony held in a local Body Shop outlet. They elope to Cardiff and set up a local Scout movement.


MAY

Zeus, in a desperate attempt to raise 10 dollars to buy Planetarion back from Slim Tech, attempts to rob a bank. He hands the cashier a note saying “hande over the honey, I got a bun in my poket”.


JUNE

Kurashima admits that he is growing a beard because his face is so ugly.


JULY

Despite being dead, Pavil manages to create a new forum account, tricking the moderators by calling it “Pavil three”.


AUGUST

Sarina Joy is voted Miss Glasgow, being the only contestant this year sporting a beard. A stunned Kurashima is voted a close second place, despite his strong protestations that a) he didn’t enter and b) he is a male.


SEPTEMBER

Gayle28UK admits that she would do or say anything to be made a moderator. She states that she would even be prepared to drink a bottle of Nodrogs piss. JammyJim offers to travel to Yorkshire and take her out for lunch in order to discuss the issue. She refuses point blank.


OCTOBER

Snurx becomes the fastest poster in the history of the Internet to reach 10,000 posts. His joy soon turns to dismay however, when Dead_Meat zero’s his post count.


NOVEMBER

Dace creates a witty and humorous thread on the PA General Discussion forum.


DECEMBER

Desperate to combat the growing tide of forum spamm0rs, Jammy Jim acquires the latest in moderation technology – a program that detects forum users who are “thinking bad thoughts”. Upon implementation, every forum user is deleted, apart from Gayle28UK. Investigations reveal that, lacking the ability to actually think at all, she was able to evade the program.


Gayle28UK and the moderators live happily ever after.

mbushell 29 Dec 2002 11:40

Brilliant, me want more :-)

Structural Integrity 29 Dec 2002 11:44

\:D/

Leshy 29 Dec 2002 11:49

r:)x:)r

SepH 29 Dec 2002 12:28

:P

Gayle29uk 29 Dec 2002 14:48

That brightened my day :)

Belgarath The Sorcerer 29 Dec 2002 15:03

wow, sword made a funny.

Flavius 29 Dec 2002 15:36

i was expecting something better on the Microsoft December Edition :(


the rest was ace

:bunny:

sword 29 Dec 2002 15:59

Quote:

Originally posted by Flavius
i was expecting something better on the Microsoft December Edition :(


the rest was ace

:bunny:

Anything for a fellow bitch, I ran out of time this morning and oi Belgy, go stroke JJ's nose!

DECEMBER

MCI Worldcom, backed by a soaring share price, make an all share take over bid for Microsoft which is unanimously accepted. MCI Worldsoft launch "MCI World Windows December the 1st", offering many new features. In an apparent accounting blunder, they also release record sales figures, for next year.

Chrism 29 Dec 2002 16:59

Quote:

Originally posted by Belgarath The Sorcerer
wow, sword made a funny.

Ragnarak 29 Dec 2002 17:01

i told you lot he was still funny :p

Dead_Meat 29 Dec 2002 17:07

Truely it must be Xmas again, for Sword hath made a funny.

Snurx 29 Dec 2002 18:33

Nice one!
:deer: :deer:
:)

sword 30 Dec 2002 16:37

I still here, I still bored.

GD Almanac - 2003

JANUARY

Belgarath The Sorceror is rushed in to hospital suffering from an itchy groin. He is diagnosed as being a woman and sent home with a tube of Canestan cream to cure his thrush. This does at last explain why he has breasts.


FEBRUARY

Taratang stuns the Planetarion community by creating a thread on GD. However, feelings soon turn to dismay when people read the post.


MARCH

JBOY is sacked by Jammy Jim when it is discovered he has a pulse.


APRIL

Jammy Jim finally admits to being gay and marries Yahwe in a bizarre ceremony held in a local Body Shop outlet. They elope to Cardiff and set up a local Scout movement.


MAY

Zeus, in a desperate attempt to raise 10 dollars to buy Planetarion back from Slim Tech, attempts to rob a bank. He hands the cashier a note saying “hande over the honey, I got a bun in my poket”.


JUNE

Kurashima admits that he is growing a beard because his face is so ugly.


JULY

Despite being dead, Pavil manages to create a new forum account, tricking the moderators by calling it “Pavil three”.


AUGUST

Sarina Joy is voted Miss Glasgow, being the only contestant this year sporting a beard. A stunned Kurashima is voted a close second place, despite his strong protestations that a) he didn’t enter and b) he is a male.


SEPTEMBER

Gayle28UK admits that she would do or say anything to be made a moderator. She states that she would even be prepared to drink a bottle of Nodrogs piss. JammyJim offers to travel to Yorkshire and take her out for lunch in order to discuss the issue. She refuses point blank.


OCTOBER

Snurx becomes the fastest poster in the history of the Internet to reach 10,000 posts. His joy soon turns to dismay however, when Dead_Meat zero’s his post count.


NOVEMBER

Dace creates a witty and humorous thread on the PA General Discussion forum.


DECEMBER

Desperate to combat the growing tide of forum spamm0rs, Jammy Jim acquires the latest in moderation technology – a program that detects forum users who are “thinking bad thoughts”. Upon implementation, every forum user is deleted, apart from Gayle28UK. Investigations reveal that, lacking the ability to actually think at all, she was able to evade the program.


Gayle28UK and the moderators live happily ever after.

Nusselt 30 Dec 2002 16:47

Quote:

Originally posted by sword
“hande over the honey, I got a bun in my poket”.

:D

Zeus 30 Dec 2002 16:52

Sword quote - Zeus, in a desperate attempt to raise 10 dollars to buy Planetarion back from Slim Tech, attempts to rob a bank. He hands the cashier a note saying “hande over the honey, I got a bun in my poket”.


Without doubt the funniest thing Ive read on these forums in a LONGGGG time!

Gayle29uk 30 Dec 2002 16:52

Quote:

Originally posted by sword
SEPTEMBER

Gayle28UK admits that she would do or say anything to be made a moderator. She states that she would even be prepared to drink a bottle of Nodrogs piss.

Yeuch! That's gross, he's a man ffs!
Quote:

JammyJim offers to travel to Yorkshire and take her out for lunch in order to discuss the issue. She refuses point blank.
It'd take more than a BigMac and fries to get me to mod THIS madhouse :P
Quote:

Gayle28UK and the moderators live happily ever after.
But...but...JBOY wouldn't have anyone left to ban but me and I like my account :(

Sirad 30 Dec 2002 17:02

Swrod funny as allways keep it up its nice to see some intersting posts once and a while:)

Sirad 30 Dec 2002 17:04

Quote:

Originally posted by sirad
Swrod funny as allways keep it up its nice to see some intersting posts once and a while:)
hmm i spelt your nick wrong dam thats bad

even though the key setup for the alphabet is the same i´m blameing it on the dutch keyboard!

Flayer 31 Dec 2002 12:46

This thread is ace and didnt get the attention it deserves

sword 31 Dec 2002 12:58

Quote:

Originally posted by Flayer
This thread is ace and didnt get the attention it deserves

:smiley1:xXHappy New Year FlayerXx :smiley1:

I've also edited the updates into the original post :xmas:

Flayer 31 Dec 2002 13:03

Quote:

Originally posted by sword
:smiley1:xXHappy New Year FlayerXx :smiley1:

I've also edited the updates into the original post :xmas:

Same to you!
:deer: Not too drunk tonight, eh? :deer:

Kurashima 31 Dec 2002 13:07

I see Pigs flying , the sky turning blood red, and a fleet of invading aliens.

Must mean that sword has made a funny. :)

sword 31 Dec 2002 13:08

Quote:

Originally posted by Flayer
Same to you!
:deer: Not too drunk tonight, eh? :deer:

There is no such thing as not to drunk!. Having said that, I got some friends coming around (Phil, Angela, Louise, and of course, Mike Barnes) for a tasty meal which swordess is preparing even as I speak (home made chicken Kiev's) and then we will watch a film together and get drunk really slowly.

Have good times yourself, in moderation of course :D

Flayer 31 Dec 2002 13:11

Quote:

Originally posted by sword
There is no such thing as not to drunk!. Having said that, I got some friends coming around (Phil, Angela, Louise, and of course, Mike Barnes) for a tasty meal which swordess is preparing even as I speak (home made chicken Kiev's) and then we will watch a film together and get drunk really slowly.

Have good times yourself, in moderation of course :D

Have fun yourself but i shall not know moderation tonite! :D

Rocklobster[Dok] 11 Jan 2003 20:36

hehe nice post

IncubusGod 11 Jan 2003 20:55

Hehehe excellent

Belgarath The Sorcerer 11 Jan 2003 21:01

Don't bump old threads.

HOW MANY TIMES DO WE HAVE TO SAY THIS?

JBOY 11 Jan 2003 21:02

Messiah was kind enough to give me a contract stating i don't go till the boards do.

at this point, i'd like the full effect of a wonderfully descriptive maniacal cackle to eminate through your souls.


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