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-   -   German Sex (https://pirate.planetarion.com/showthread.php?t=185553)

Rids 24 May 2005 19:47
German Sex
 
A German guy approaches a prostitute, "I vish to buy sex vit you"

"OK" says the girl, "I'll charge 20 an hour"

"Ist goot, but I must varn you, I am a little kinky"

"No problem" she replies cautiously, "I can do a little kinky"

So off they go to the girl's flat, where the German produces four large bedsprings and a duck caller.

"I vant you to tie ze springs to each of your limbs"

The girl finds this most odd, but complies, fastening the springs to her elbows and knees

"Now you vill get on your hans und knees"

She duly does this, balancing on the springs "You vill please blow zis vistle as I make love to you"

She find this odd, but figures it's harmless, and the guy is paying The sex is fantastic. She is bounced all over the room by the energetic German, all the time honking on the duck caller.

The climax is the most sensational that she has ever experienced, and it is several minutes before she has recovered the breath to say:
"That was totally amazing, where did you learn how to do that?"

"Ah" says the German "Four-sprung duck technique"

Phalon 24 May 2005 19:57
Re: German Sex
 
heh :up:

Leshy 24 May 2005 20:18
Re: German Sex
 
I'm not getting it. The joke. Fortunately I'm not getting it from German men either.

wu_trax 24 May 2005 20:23
Re: German Sex
 
Vorsprung durch Technik.

1-X 24 May 2005 20:24
Re: German Sex
 
A car manufacturer (Audi I think) used to have an advertising campaign with the slogan "Vorsprung durch Technik" which sounds similar to Rids' punchline.

edit : beaten by wu trax :)

Sarina_Joy 24 May 2005 20:25
Re: German Sex
 
That is particularly bad. I am saddened :(

Knight Theamion 24 May 2005 20:27
Re: German Sex
 
quality.

Phil^ 24 May 2005 20:27
Re: German Sex
 
it made me smile. not quite giggle worthy tho.

Leshy 24 May 2005 20:28
Re: German Sex
 
Thank you wu_trax and 1-X, now it suddenly makes a lot more sense.

Demon Dave 24 May 2005 20:56
Re: German Sex
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by 1-X
A car manufacturer (Audi I think) used to have an advertising campaign with the slogan "Vorsprung durch Technik" which sounds similar to Rids' punchline.

edit : beaten by wu trax :)
it is indeed Audi. And they still use it. Just out of interest, does anyone actually know what "Vorsprung durch Technik" means?

Proteus 24 May 2005 21:07
Re: German Sex
 
"Progress through Technology", I believe.

Leshy 24 May 2005 21:07
Re: German Sex
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Demon Dave
it is indeed Audi. And they still use it. Just out of interest, does anyone actually know what "Vorsprung durch Technik" means?
It roughly means "Advantage by technology".

Edit: Somewhat beaten. Although Vorsprung is advantage, not progress.

wu_trax 24 May 2005 21:18
Re: German Sex
 
do they really use that worldwide? i guess they try to score points by reminding people thats its a german car (as if that means anything anymore :() rather than with what it means. strange, usually companies here invent crappy english slogans and use them even here

Cannon_Fodder 24 May 2005 21:31
Re: German Sex
 
Old.

G.K Zhukov 24 May 2005 21:36
Re: German Sex
 
Quality, far better than the books I read for my thesis about the German economy :)

MrMighty 24 May 2005 22:07
Re: German Sex
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nantoz
Me: Gee, what's the seventh wonder of the world again. I have six, but what's the last one?
Distant cousin: turtle? (*he cracks up*)
Thats turtally excellent, that joke.

s|k 25 May 2005 00:02
Re: German Sex
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nantoz
I see.
Haha.

It is stil better than the worst joke ever.

Me: Gee, what's the seventh wonder of the world again. I have six, but what's the last one?
Distant cousin: turtle? (*he cracks up*)
Me: sorry?
Cousin: you know, turle, like a joke (*chuckle*)
Me: a joke? does turtles mean something special to you? do you like them alot?
Cousin: no, i just said turle, you know. it's absurd, so it's funny.
Me: err. I don't get it.
Cousin: well. cracks me up. turtle, haha. like that could be the seventh wonder of the world.
Me: bangs head repeatedly against table.
TURTLE OMG ROFL
no seriously, I feel your plight

roadrunner_0 25 May 2005 00:34
Re: German Sex
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrMighty
Thats turtally excellent, that joke.


only my apathy stops me from neg repping you for this truly awful pun

ph8 25 May 2005 00:36
Re: German Sex
 
I thought that was hilarious, i'm going to run off and tell all my cool backpacking friends!

ruudje 25 May 2005 01:38
Re: German Sex
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phil^
it made me smile. not quite giggle worthy tho.
LOL Thats a good way to express how fun it was EXACTLY!

SYMM 25 May 2005 09:48
Re: German Sex
 
That (the original joke) was rather good.

Cannon_Fodder 25 May 2005 09:56
Re: German Sex
 
I dont get the turtle joke, either way its just shit...

furball 25 May 2005 10:21
Re: German Sex
 
After reading the first line of the joke, I immediately thought of the punchline and also: 'old'. But for everyone who hadn't heard it before, it's still a great joke :up:

roadrunner_0 25 May 2005 10:43
Re: German Sex
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by sniborp
I dont get the turtle joke, either way its just shit...

as far as i can tell there is no way of 'getting' it

Phalon 25 May 2005 10:45
Re: German Sex
 
It's like that shitty 'Where's the soap joke?'

Only worse.

wu_trax 25 May 2005 11:09
Re: German Sex
 
"a man goes around the corner and the bus is gone."

"two men meet on a bridge, the other one also has 5 €"

"whats the difference beween a raven?
both feet are of the same length, especially the right one"

"Whats green and jumps in the forest?
a pride of cucumbers"

and so on....

Sarina_Joy 25 May 2005 11:11
Re: German Sex
 
If we're doing bad jokes then.......

What do you get if you cross a sheep with a kangaroo?

A wooly jumper!




AHAHAHHHHAHAHAHA!

Phalon 25 May 2005 11:14
Re: German Sex
 
I liked the cucumber one :(

NEWSBOT3 25 May 2005 11:15
Re: German Sex
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarina_Joy
If we're doing bad jokes then.......

What do you get if you cross a sheep with a kangaroo?

A wooly jumper!




AHAHAHHHHAHAHAHA!
thats not a bad joke!

Its just older than DM.

wu_trax 25 May 2005 11:31
Re: German Sex
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phalon
I liked the cucumber one :(
part 2:
"and where is the joke?

Cucumbers dont live in prides"

theres more:
"what is white and sits on a tree?
a refrigerator"

"what is white and stands behind a tree?

a shy milk"

Ste 25 May 2005 11:57
Re: German Sex
 
Why didn't the emperor wear any clothes?

Because he was a penguin






I got that on a penguin bar :(

NEWSBOT3 25 May 2005 11:58
Re: German Sex
 
oh dear.

Blastoderm 25 May 2005 14:09
Re: German Sex
 
Nice one Rids.

Made me smile.

Cannon_Fodder 25 May 2005 17:33
Re: German Sex
 
no twas not me :/

Yahwe 25 May 2005 17:37
Re: German Sex
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ste
Why didn't the emperor wear any clothes?

Because he was a penguin


I got that on a penguin bar :(
don't go to penguin bars

*donkie* 25 May 2005 17:53
Re: German Sex
 
The Vorsprung Durch Teknik joke is on the closing credits of Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Baralls - though it could be the uncut version only.

Just thought I'd throw that in there.


And yes, I know it was pointless. Thanks.

acropolis 25 May 2005 17:55
Re: German Sex
 
what's red and not there?


no tomatoes

wu_trax 25 May 2005 18:16
Re: German Sex
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by acropolis
what's red and not there?


no tomatoes
:up:

1-X 25 May 2005 18:27
Re: German Sex
 
I just read through a long list of bad jokes on 'a website', the best :rolleyes: of which I've cut and pasted below

Quote:
A rabbi, a cowboy, and George W. Bush all get sucked into a wind turbine.

They died.
Quote:
what did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

"where's my tractor?"
Quote:
What's the ideal weight for Idimmu?

About two pounds, counting the urn.
Quote:
A Russian couple were walking down the street in Moscow one night,
when the man felt a drop hit his nose. "I think it's raining", he said
to his wife.

"No, that felt more like snow to me", she replied. "No, I'm sure it
was just rain", he said.

Well, as these things go, they were about to have a major argument
about whether it was raining or snowing. Just then they
saw a communist party official walking toward them.

"Let's not fight about it", the man said, "Let's ask Comrade
Rudolph whether it's officially raining or snowing". As the official
approached, the man said, "Tell us, Comrade Rudolph, is it
officially raining or snowing?"

"It's raining, of course", he replied, and walked on. But the
woman insisted: "I know that felt like snow!" To which the man
quietly replied:

"Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."
Quote:
Q: What's better than winning the gold at the Wheelchair Olympics?
A: Having legs that work.
Quote:
AN old man goes to the doctor and says he wants to get some birth control for his 9 year old Granddaughter. The doctor asks "A 9 year old? Is she sexually active?" grandpa says "no, she lays there like her grandmother."
Quote:
What's the difference between a ferrari and a pile of dead babies?

I don't have a ferrari in my garage.
Quote:
Why is the space between a woman's tits and hips called a waist?

Because another pair of tits could easily fit there.
Quote:
Why do women wear makeup and perfume?

Because they're ugly and they stink.

Loz 25 May 2005 19:38
Re: German Sex
 
I approve :up:

Leshy 25 May 2005 19:49
Re: German Sex
 
I'm hideously giggling at the Rudolph one :(

Deepflow 25 May 2005 21:19
Re: German Sex
 
my mum sent me an email with this joke in at least 6 months ago, still, its new here, and it is funny :)

LHC 25 May 2005 22:59
Re: German Sex
 
http://pirate.planetarion.com/showthread.php?t=179392

acropolis 25 May 2005 23:03
Re: German Sex
 
i knew i got that from someone here.

comic genius out and out.

Quote:
Originally Posted by acropolis
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: I hate negroes!
does anyone else ever laugh at their old posts?

i'm sad for me

jerome 25 May 2005 23:58
Re: German Sex
 
a man with an orange head walks into a bar

the bartender asks him why he has an orange head

the reply was

"well, i found a genie in a bottle who allowed me three wishes,

firstly i chose to turn attractive to all females in the world.
it was done.

secondly, i requested to become a billionaire.
it was done.


...


for my final wish,

i asked for an orange head."



i cracked up laughing at this when david walliams was telling a group of journalists+a few tag alongs like myself at some photoshoot thingy :(

LHC 26 May 2005 00:06
Re: German Sex
 
http://pirate.planetarion.com/showthread.php?t=159232

acropolis 26 May 2005 00:28
Re: German Sex
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by acropolis
me too.

i've been telling it to everyone for months, and have yet to see anyone laugh.

losing a few friends is a small price to pay.

Demon Dave 26 May 2005 01:02
Re: German Sex
 
aaaaahhhhh now i finally understand all these references to MrLs (in)famous Mugabe joke :up:

Alki 26 May 2005 01:10
Re: German Sex
 
What did the chicken say to the pinapple?

I want some pinapple.......

i dont know why but my friend made that up and it cracks me up everytime, probably for the shitness factor of it

Marilyn Manson 26 May 2005 01:27
Re: German Sex
 
A man walks into a Soviet Union, and they shoot him.


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